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My sister in law advised me that my brother has threatened suicide three times this month, including today. She is scared and wants me to talk to him. I spoke with him regarding her concern. He told me that she violated confidentiality and that I should not worry. He told me that he would let me know if I should worry. He told me that nobody should talk about him and that it is a betrayal by his wife that she spoke of him regarding his threats of suicide. He said that if she has problems then she can speak of that, but may not speak of him. He said that if he wants to talk to me then he will. He is angry regarding the betrayal and the breach of confidentiality. Where do I go from here?
Figaro, Since you are new to the board and I don't know your brother and his history, I would just like to say that I don't take suicide threats lightly.
Please stay in touch with your sister-in-law,support her and maybe ya'll could come up with a plan.
sound like your sil feels she can confide in you and trusts you. Maybe you could encourage her to go to alanon with you.
Or find literature for you both. A's tend to say they are suicidal for attention. I too take it seriously, but I have to put it in hp's hands.
He is embarrassed becuz he said it, he is going on about how bad his wife is for sharing, to get the attention off him.
I find the best thing to do is take care of me, and not even bring anything up to A. His illness is his problem not mine. Getting Them Sober is an excellent book. It is easy to read and explains so much.
I am assuming that he is a drinker, suicide talk is normal for a practicng A , mostly a threat to keep us in line. As to his anger at someone who loves him worrying , that is disease so selfish dosen't care of see how much he is hurting her. It is always about them . I would ignore it and stay out of thier business suggest that sis in law go to al anon for herself. but keep what she says to you confidential. Just my opinion Louise
Hi, figaro, If your sister-in-law is concerned about suicide - and any time some one mentions suicide, it is a concern - then she can call a suicide hot line. Hope all of this Alanons have helped you. I'm very sorry. but you are in the right place for yourself. mebjk
I don't know how threatening suicide is supposed to keep me in line, if she threatens it I'm either on the phone to Suicide/Physch hotline or her psychiatrist. The issues of alcohol always comes up when that happens which is exactly what she doesn't want to happen.
A few months ago, my A did tell me, that she wasn't stupid enough to try to commit suicide again cause that would make it too easy to get rid of her.
This disease is insanity and they make no sense !
I personally take any threat seriously. Inform who I need to inform and let go.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I would turn it back over to sis-in-law. You can be of little help since brother is angry and resentful of what he considers a breach of trust and anonymity. Since a suicide threat is never taken lightly, and I would advise sis-in-law to do what is necessary to intervene.
Every time he drank, my A threatened to drive over the south rim of the Grand Canyon. We lived not too far away. Time after time I tried to make him listen and understand the seriousness of his threats. One day, out of desperation and frustration, I said, "When you do that, please don't use my new Lincoln." That was the last I ever heard of suicide. I am not saying he will never do it, though I doubt he will. What I AM saying is that living with the spectre of the threat is a weight we should not have to bear. My A driving me nuts is not in my life's plan.
Best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Can't say why he is mad, (U don't mention if he's an A or not) but you can't know why they say the things they do. He could have just been exaggeratting & trying to get at her or he could truly be feeling hopeless. Either way, he ought to at lest be grateful that she loves him enough to reach out to others on his behalf.
Truth of the matter is, A's do get angry when you try to help them. I am not an A but have lived with & around them in my family my whole life. No talking about suicide ought to be taken lightly. I spoke of it for 21 yrs, and I'm sure I sounded like a broken record. No one wanted to hear about my pain nor did anyone want to change. It isn't that I wasnted to die but i knew I wasn't living. I tried to do it at 15 & last year 3/18/06 by ODing... took enough meds to kill an elephant. Perhaps this is what saved me, i took wasy too much. It was a miracle I did not become brain dead & survived.
All I can say, is that after 21 yrs of hopelessness & the desire to escape my life, I survived & have not felt suicidal since, by the grace of God the thoughts were taken away from me.
God has apurpose for all of us, I can say that when I did talk about it, it ease my pain & took away the thoughts until the next day. I never made a plan for my demise until last March when I was at the end of my rope. Talking about it to release the thoughts is one things, talking about plans is another. IMHO, I believe talking to himis the best thing you can do. I wished my family would have helped me into counseling or taken me more seriously, I may have not ODed last March but then again everything happens for a reason & everything happens in God's timing.
Just as we cannot control our A's or addicts, no one can control someone if they fully intend to carry out such plans, we all end up doing what we want in the end.
After 20 yrs of waking up, dragging myself out of bed & feeling very worthless, now I open my eyes & thank God I am still here.
with love, -Kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
He sounds like he would rather copmplain about someone else than deal with his own issues.
If he is threatening suicide, she needs to confide in someone. Most of the time it is a threat, but I have had two relatives and a dear friend die at their own hands. All of them cried wolf many times. Embarrasment can be worked through and so can hurt feelings. Dead is dead and we can't undo it, and the people remaining have to deal with it forever. Let your sister in law talk and maybe you can lead her to some qualified professionals to confide in. They can teach her how to deal with a suicide threat. Sometimes it is an attention getter, but often it is a cry for help.
