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I've known my a for 7 years. Right before the New Year, I told him all the time I've known you, the focus has been on you. It's going to be 7 years of the Year of Jill starting Jan 20056. He agreed (easy cuz nothing changes if...).
Nearly the end of February, and it hit me, the focus is still on him. I have recently realized it's a great idea and it's up to me. I can't fault him for not focusing on me if I don't. He can't focus on focusing when he's wasted anyway. But I can. I can decide what I want to do, what brings me happiness and what I want to spend my time on. I have given myself permission to do just that, including experimenting what I want. I've focused away from myself for so long, I'm not always sure what is it I want. So now I can find out. It's going to be a great year. --- Jill
Yeah! I LOVE the spirit within which your post is written. Yeah, Jill!
A while back I read a book, which focused on the concept of giving oneself "a gift of a year"--a whole year of doing something one REALLY wanted to do, and to put the focus back on oneself. Here, briefly were some of the stories):
-A woman who had never not been in a relationship, took a recent break-up as an opportunity to reconnect with herself. And for a whole year she took regular bubble baths, and as she soaked, she read books by her favorite authors.
-A woman who had always disliked exercise, but knew it was good for her, decided to explore what she really liked to do by trying a new activity every month. She tried everything that struck her fancy--Tai Bo, Fencing, Skiing. She used her year, like you, to experiment with what she might really like to do for exercise. She decided in advance if at the end of the year she still disliked exercise she would let herself off the hook, and not push herself to exercise, but by the end of the year, she'd found stuff she loved.
-A woman gave herself a year to finish a short film.
-A woman had been promoted to a very stressful job. On the job, she realized that noone could do the job (it was many jobs rolled into one), so her gift of the year to herself was to handle everything without letting the job fluster, stress, or upset her. By the end of year, her bosses were really impressed by how calmly she handled the continually work crisis, and how calmly and effectively she continually & consistently simply focused on problem-solving.
These were just a few of the stories. Some women choose ambitious tasks, and others choose one very simple plan they knew would delight them, that would fill their souls.
Spending a whole year simply exploring what you like--sounds wonderful! I can imagine all the possibilities now: Exploring the kind of music you like by going to free concerts in the park, exploring differnt kinds of food, exploring if you like the outdoors, trying dance classes, traveling, sitting still, watching the sunset, making new friends, visiting a new place of workship, getting a pet, taking up painting or weaving or guitar lessons, taking baths etc. Oh! the possibilities are endless! I wish you a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful year!!!
Jill: Last year the A was sick and I had to be there for him in ways that were unhealthy for me. When I set limits (which admittedly I did with rage and grief) he retaliated and was extremely nasty. Since I have joined al-anon (a few short weeks) I have detached and pulled back. He has not died yet.
I am glad that you can focus on you. I think having a whole year sounds great. I know two months have already gone by and I know the year will fly by. Last year was tremendously hard but also brought me here. I am excited by what al-anon has to teach me and I feel cared and loved and accepted here in ways I never did in my life before. That alone is healing.
On a morning that I wake up and A husband is hungover in bed instead of at work it was nice to read these. Its time for me to start a Year of Me - thank you
Yay! That sounds great! I am having a year of Rachel!!! Funny, because I just signed up for two acting classes for the first time in years (acting is my true passion, I have just been "getting by" on other jobs). It is tough financially but I think it will be good for me. What a brilliant idea. You have really inspired me.
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**Everyone is doing the best they can from day to day**
Thanks everyone. I really love your replies (even if they hadn't been to me in the Year of Jill). By the way, he had 7 yrs. I think this one might stretch out a little, one day at a time. --Jill
Exploring the kind of music you like by going to free concerts in the park, exploring differnt kinds of food, exploring if you like the outdoors, trying dance classes, traveling, sitting still, watching the sunset, making new friends, visiting a new place of workship, getting a pet, taking up painting or weaving or guitar lessons, taking baths etc. Oh! the possibilities are endless! I wish you a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful year!!!