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Hello, was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. My family was once happy and fun, but in 2009 my adult daughter started having issues with alcohol. Her husband travels all the time and would leave her every week with two little boys, and she couldn't cope. Thankfully she has been a committed member of the program, and is doing really well. However, right after that, my husband lost his (high-paying) job, we lost our home with the recession, and he spiraled into alcoholism as well. I started going to Al-anon in 2010. We ended up divorcing in 2011. It has been devastating for all of us, and I never expected or wanted to be divorced at age 61.
The worst part of this is that I feel like someone has kidnapped my daughter. She is so 'born again' that she has basically divorced the rest of us. I know her sobriety should be the number one concern, but we used to be very close. Now she never comes to me with concerns, she just goes to her sponsor. She claims to have humility, but she spews all this nonsense on the internet about how wonderful life is, etc, and seems to have all the answers, and I sometimes wonder. I have 3 grandkids that I feel like I hardly know because apparently she doesn't want them to know me. Am I a bad influence? What did I do? My son is struggling with this as well. My ex nearly died a few months ago from alcoholic pancreatitis. He was drinking himself to death and my daughter saved his life by finding him on the floor, barely alive. Obviously it's torn us apart.
I am just so sad that I seem to be all alone now. I knew the divorce would shatter the family, but I still expected to have good relationships with my kids & grandkids. But that isn't the case with my daughter. My grandkids live right in the same town, and I never see them. I find out what they're doing on Facebook. My daughter incessantly posts pictures of herself, and all these AA platitudes, to the point that it's almost embarrassing. She almost seems like she's half crazy. I beg her to let me watch them, and she always says "SURE!" but nothing ever comes of it. I haven't said anything, because I feel like I'm begging, and don't want to seem like a whiny old grandma. I don't want anyone to feel obligated, but this is ridiculous, and I don't know what to do about it. My in-laws (husband's brother) have replaced my husband and me as surrogate grandparents. I hate to admit I am jealous, and I feel like such a small person, but it really hurts. I didn't realize when I divorced him, that I would lose everyone in my family. I spent my adult life a thousand miles away from my family (parents), and would have given anything to have my kids know them better. Apparently this is not important to my own daughter.
Would really like to know if anyone else has experienced this rejection, and if I just need to accept that this is the way it will be.
I have experienced this ... Things change. I find you very humble and open and very in tune with your emotions. Rejection does hurt, and it okay the feel that. I think sometimes in recovery the alcoholics are so excited about what they are learning that they want to share it with the world. I think all humans can be like that about things they are passionate about!!!
Then I also think which I may be not correct that a lot of them sometimes stunted their emotional growth so they are like teenagers when reject you to detach and become independent.
I think this is the part that tests a lot of people's patience. I know mine gets tested often. Keep coming and listening and you will pick up on some tools to use.
There is also a lot of grieving that comes with change. Sometimes we go through the stages of acceptance and letting go faster and sometimes slower. You have experienced a lot of changes it sounds. I have to over the last five years.
I can feel your rejection but from my husband. I have no children.
My dry ah started AA three years ago and completely rejected me.
All fingers were pointed in my direction, you can not change them
Only yourself. Just get on with your own life with the help of your
HP. Do the best as you can, keep reaching out for support. Go to
as Many alanon meetings as you possibly can.
I am 58 years old and did not expect this in my life but its what
I have to deal with. I am not happy about it!
Families have enormous resentments that are very difficult to work
Thru. I know my family is terrible, i just shake My head and try to
stay out of the drama so i can keep my sanity.
Thanks, I can handle the rejection from my husband, but not my grandkids. It's such a shame. I am now 65, 61 at the time of the divorce. Never wanted to be divorced, esp at this age. But it's the kids that always suffer. I haven't really cared for the meetings I've gone to, but need to keep looking. I went for a long time, but stopped getting what I needed out of it. Right now I need to see a qualified counselor to help me with this situation, because I don't know how to approach it. I'm really tired of the drama as well.
