The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found a carrot and two lumps of coal on my sidewalk and wondered what they were doing there. I thought it odd. Suddenly remembering that a snowman once stood on that place, I chuckled at my own suspicious thoughts. Even so, I had an eerie feeling of something strangely familiar. I kept staring at the coal and the carrot as I unloaded groceries from my car. A snowman -- cold, frozen, hard. I hadn't noticed his melting: I only noticed what was left, which wasn't much. I thought of how I had built frozen layers around myself to cope with the terror and chaos of alcoholism. I had grown up encased in the iciness of the disease. Then the warm and loving members of Al-Anon encouraged me to let my Higher Power thaw the icy layers until, like the snowman, there was but a speck of me left. It was a genuine speck, however, and I trusted God to employ the Al-Anon program to build upon it until I became the healthy person I was meant to be. I've learned that becoming healthy means tolerating a melting away of my old self. If I feel empty during this process, I shall not permit myself to want the disease back. Instead, I will trust my Higher Power to help me bring forth the genuine me. I'll trust that the emptiness I feel is because God has left some room for my true self to develop. Thought for the Day The empty spaces I feel during recovery will become filled as I allow my Higher Power to heal me through Al-Anon. "The desire to grow and to heal has brought me to this uncomfortable point . . . I need only trust that, when the time comes to move forward, I will know it." *Courage to Change*, p. 221 ----------
______rosie________yeah, the frozen layers i built around me could have sinked the titanic TWICE!!!!!! now i am thawing my emotions, so long buried, and the "warming" is shedding water all over the place-- i remember when i FIRST really cried over this...i mean the "real big one"...it was oct 22, 2005 late afternoon and it ran for 14 hours, STRAIGHT!!!!! the thawing nearly caused a flood.....i took my tears as the "thawing of my emotions"....what was left was my "speck" but it was the REAL, tangible me....now i am building upon it....i am becomming healthy--whole---taking care of me....i ask for the DIVINE plan of my life.....this past 2 years has been painful as hell!!!! feeling better/ feeling worse.......getting better/ getting worse......the ebbs and flows of this recovery....i ate an extra 15-20 # on my small frame--- i never FELT so crappy, physically too, in my life!!!! peeling off the OLD encrusted , gangenous matter, that he stuck on me, or that grew on me to try and protect my innocent little soul...... its funny reading this....becuz i have been asking my HP to bring back the REAL me...the ME i was supposed to be....the ME that always was, and not the injured / sick me that was caused........and yeah, the EMPTYNESS i have felt..........i know that is why i became an overeater....trying to "fill the emptyness" with something physical , like food, rather than just allow myself to be filled with love of my hp/ universe.....and the desire to grow and heal caused me GREAT pain, but it is "productive pain".......
can relate to wanting to fill that void with other things...usually relationships for me. anyway, although it can be painful, i look forward to the "other side." glad we have each other to lean on :)
For months I have had that book on my desk at work. I pick it up occasionally and read it, but not too often. I read my "Language of Letting Go" faithfully. I so needed that reading today. I have so much going on...Thanks
wow, this reminded me of my "thawing". I can't believe I almost forgot about it. April 2005 on a trip back from family week at the treatment center my husband was in. A 5 hour drive took 6 because I cried none stop the whole way home. It was the first time in a very long time that I was feeling something besides rage, anger, hate. I felt hopeful and the tears would not stop. It was a powerful release. Thanks so much for this share.
I feel like my anger and resentment make me very hardened and there was no room for joy. I have much joy in my life with my pets and my love of art and my love of literature. The bitterness, anger and resentment left no room for anything but hating and resenting the A and what he had done to me. Detaching has given me the space to feel other than hate and resentment at him.
Thanks Rosie for the great topic to post on. Maresie, I can totally relate to what you say. I am stuggling to detach from my sick dysfunctional mother. Now that I don't have anything to do with her, she is soooo negative, I enjoy life. I love to read, I love to learn about history. I am working at a pre school and loving every minute of it.
The negativaty will eat you alive. I spent so many years thinking that was what life was all about, being negative and talking bad about other people while saving them at the same time. I still feel guilty about not talking to my family of origin but they do nothing to get healthy, they are the same negative people.
I don't want my son around my mother either. When I let him go over to her house, I have to worry that she is going to take him somewhere, or when I go to pick him up he won't be there. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to feel guilty either. I want to continue to deatch and enjoy life the way it is supposed to be enjoyed.
