The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My a had 6 sober days. Honestly I was getting very excited--I know I know better, but I always hope too much! He had a couple of disappointments and now says f--- the world. He is just going to look out for himself. I haven't decided if this is all just huge pity party and his I'm going to show the world or what! He says he hasn't used, but I don't believe him. I think he used yesterday, I caught him in a lie and of course he wouldn't admit it. I didn't tell him I knew he was lying, but I did tell him this is what I know happened. I didn't talk to him much last night, I didn't fix him supper (which was a petty way of kinda getting back him)--I actually offered, but didn't hound him about it like I would normally do, so then when he had to get his own supper he was puffy about the whole thing. I tried not to be annoyed or upset by it!!
You know I just get so tired of the roller coaster. I want to be supportive and understanding. I know that this is a disease, but I don't know how long I can stay here when he won't work a program.
A part of me wants to tell him-move out if you are not going to work a program, because I just don't have the energy to deal with all of this. We are so far in debt I'm scared if he sticks around I won't ever be able to make it if he decided to go off the deep end--I don't want him to go back to putting holes in my home again. I hate wondering what is going to the pawn shop next. I hate him only thinking about himself. I really think if all he wants to think about is himself then he should be alone!
But then there's that other part of me. I really love him and want him to have what he needs. I know that he moves out he won't hav any support. His family (parents) are awful!! He may decide he would prefer to do whatever and I am not worth working at sobriety for--maybe the last 4 years meant nothing to him, but a place to be. I think that's what scares me the most--I have tried and worked so hard for the past few years for someone who just doesn't care--not that he is really showing care for me or our family right now, but to have him leave and not try to work things out would make me feel like the biggest fool!!!!! Why try so hard when the other party could care less about you?
I know that my postings may all sound pretty much the same. And they are long, I just appreciate you guys listening. I have been reading Getting Them Sober and I am loving it and hopeing that I will start putting those things into practice and maybe my head will become less jumbled!
I can relate, believe me. I send you lots of hope and know that while it might not feel natural for you, you are taking care of yourself and acting in ways that force your a to behave more like an adult. Hang in there.
Rachel
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**Everyone is doing the best they can from day to day**
Remember the three C's. You didn't cause it, you can't change it, you can't cure it. Your husband needs to want recovery, where he is living doesn't matter. Unfortunately We are not that powerful. My sponsor is always having me go back to pages on Step One. We are powerless over this disease. Another thing that has been extremely helpful to me is Just for Today, especially the part that says, "Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tacke all my problems at once..."
Keep the focus on YOU, what can you do for you and your recovery today?
Have been right in your shoes and they are hell to walk in. So sorry you are having so much misery in your life right now
Someone once told me if you think they are using they are. I wish you only the best for your family and hope the addict finaly gets what is important.
I have skipped cooking many diners, packing many lunches, not doing his laundry and unfotunately it never got me any where.
The addict has to decide when they hit bottom. For you, just hold on and try and get yourself to a place where u put yourself first. Just try to take care of you. I know this is easier said then done. All u can do is right now is try to take it minute by minute. Try to find some peace somewhere inside of you for your own sanity.
May God Bless you and guide you through this extremely difficult time.
