The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have been keeping busy lately and have not had much time to worry about my dad. but the past 2 nights i have had dreams about my A dad. here goes:
DREAM #1...i am at my dad's house. it is a mess, beer cans everywhere, it smells, he got sick everywhere, and acts like nothing is wrong. i yell at him and he closes the door in my face. END OF DREAM.
DREAM #2...my sister and i were at hooters(of all places!!) to have dinner. we were drinking a pitcher of beer, and waiting for my dad. he was really late so we went on without him. he got there and ordered a 7up to drink-i was surprised. the food came to the table, i went to the bathroom, and when i got back he was drinking all the beer and had eaten all the food while my sister just sat there and stared. i left and then i started to walk over a bridge. i fell off of it and floated away. the river dropped off into the ocean and then I WOKE UP.
DREAM #3...my dad was supposed to come over to my house for my son's birthday party. my son was so excited because he hasn't seen him in a while because i'm mad at my dad. we waited and waited-he never showed. my son cried. i went over to his house to yell at him and he wasn't there. i called my sister and brother, they didn't answer their phone. the next thing i knew, i was standing over a hospital bed, watching him with a feeding tube and a respirator. i was so mad. then i WOKE UP.
i know these dreams are not far from the truth. they are pretty much what is happening and what's inevitable. i just wonder if there is something or someone is trying to tell me. in each dream i end up really mad. in real life, i am mad! but why am i wasting a good night's sleep torturing myself?
TEll me about it. I spend so much time during the night thinking about my a. Last night I dreamed the cops showed up and arrested him right in our front yard.
To have them out of our thoughts--not trying to be mean-just so we could function on life would be nice!!
I know from my dreams when I wake up mad I think they are trying to tell me to let go of something. I don't know if you read my last post but my mom's cancer has come back, I know from losing my dad and my older brother that I want no regrets, I know when my mom is gone I will never be able to make amends to her. Anger will eat you up inside, it ate me up for 5 of my 7 years of marriage to my A. I awoke with it, carried it all day, and went to bed with it. It consumed me. It made my life not my own. Be gentle with yourself, if you are so angry you can't possibly be gentle with yourself. You can still have boundaries that keep you safe, emotionally.
