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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A good day.
Post Info TOPIC: A good day.
missmeliss


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A good day.
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Ahhhhhhh.

The day got off to a pretty bad start with everyone yelling at and about me and me waking up to it pretty bewildered and upset and I eventually yelled right back. It was just overwhelming. Everyone is picking on me, right? And I am thinking I literally cannot take another moment of this...

Well eventually my parents drove off to their beach-house and before they left they screamed at my brother and as they left they were screaming at each other and I just kind of dissolved into giggles because ye Gods. To survive this all I need is a giant QTIP. It isn't about me and that's really all  need to remember. Interestingly my hoiusemate lady mentioned that my mother (who is only 55) really acts as though she has early alzheimers and the funny thing is I have been thinking the same thing for a while now, as in maybe the constant questioning and re-questioning isn't an attempt to drive people insane and maybe she is actually not remembering having asked 10 times already in the past hour? Well I can't diagnose her but I thought if i consider it a possibility and consider that maybe she is genuinely confused it might be easier to not become frustrated. It helps.

Before they left mother asked me to mind her garden and we walked through it together and she showed me what she had planted, what was thriving, what needed extra water, that was nice, I always enjoyed touring her big garden with her, we share a very green thumb.

Anyway I appreciated many things today.

I appreciated not being cramped in a small room with children and animals. My room is huge, a single bed in here, a big desk, an open window, a nice view....

I appreciated the delicious fact that I am going to have this big house and garden more or less to myself for a whole week! 2 brothers are here, one is not speaking to me at all because a) he is on a bender and b) he is furious that he no longer has the whole upstairs for himself. Oh well, he has lived here for 15 years more than I have so far, if he begrudges me a few weeks then that's sad for him. I used to get upset when he was like this, maybe cook him something or buy him something, ask why he seems unhappy, have I done something wrong....so then I appreciated the fact that I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!!!!!For anyone! That alone is worth celebrating.

Brother no.2 is happy to see me, we went for a walk, had a long long chat about life the universe and everything, that was nice; middle brother and I used to be very good friends and we have not spoken for a long time. It is so nice to reconnect with him. So I appreciate that very much too.

I appreciate that I have a little bit of financial flexibility all of a sudden as I am not paying as much rent and living with family, it's easy to save money by buying bulk and splitting costs. So that will help.

I think what i appreciate most is that I have felt energetic today and achieved a lot, and it's due to the fact that i can move about the house freely. For 8 years with A, and then the past 2 months I have felt i must stay in my room, tiptoe about, and i have been so reclusive staying in my room and being miserable rather than open my door to hostility. Just having the freedom to move around, make noise, be human is very energising. 

Oh and I appreciate being able to use the internet without having the password constantly changed because I am engaged in some kind of 'who can we blame for using up all the data allowance? Lets blame Mel" nonsense. Let the bytes flow free!

Anyway i went on appreciating things all afternoon and evening as I washed load after load of clothing, sorted through boxes, went for a walk with brother, watered the garden and enjoyed my freedom. And then I got a call from daughter's father to say that since I am now living at my mothers (mother went to his house to collect daughter to take her with them to their beach house while I keep searching for houses) it is obvious that I cannot cope and it is time for daughter to go and live with him. I didn't really enjoy that phone call very much I admit but I took some deep breaths, reminded myself that I had expected this very reaction from him (when I say he is better i mean he doesn't attack me all the time and is friendly and civil mostly. He still refuses to help financially and has made it plain he wants me to fail so he can swoop in and take custody). So I knew he would see this as his golden opportunity. So I took some deep breathes, thanked him for his considerate offer and told him I'd be sure to let him know if there was anything he could do to help. 

And THEN I appreciated the fact that I had managed not to react or be upset, and I switched my shiatsu massage chair  and reflexology foot tapper on and sat back and thought about how mad he would be if he saw me responding to his phone call by sitting back and enjoying a back and foot massage LOL!!!

So, I don't have a plan. I do have a gigantic house to enjoy unhindered for a week, however, a public swimming pool over the rear fence (swimming and me = calm), walks to go on, a brother to catch up with, a friend to go and visit and a bit more money in my bank account than usual. Maybe these things will help me make less rushed and distressed decisions, perhaps clarity will come, I have to look at and apply for a lot of houses and I am in no way ready to tackle driving from here alone so that is probably going to involve time with A (I have literally no other way to do this, I have only been driving for 3 months and only in my quiet little town, this city driving terrifies me and I could not get myself from here to there, I don't mean in a "you can do it mel" way I mean I have no experience whatsoever with this sort of insane busy driving and am so scared I cannot even fathom doing it alone. I asked sister and brother and mother to come but they cannot, I hate this part of my situation, but I have never had anyone to practice it with me and I just honestly cannot, well there's another impossible situation and I'm getting upset thinking about it so time to switch the massage chair back on and stop trying to mind control everything to be the way I want it......there will be an answer...let it be.....

 

 

 

 



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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
missmeliss


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OH and I appreciate that I got a text message from Michael Douglas before, he said Mrrrow I miss you mummy but I have been cuddling temporary mummy and playing with her and she says I have been a good kitty mrrow.
Isn't he clever to operate a phone lol, that made me smile. I'm glad he is being cared for and that she is obviously enjoying him enough to send me a funny text lol.

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
hotrod


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Great use of your alanon tools and your "massage chair" Ms. M. I am very impressed with how you processed, and responded, and did not react to hubby's offer as well as your listing the assets you now have. That does work well. It is lovely that Michael Douglas contacted you and made you feel good about his new home.

Now as far as driving is concerned- keep processing. keep an open mind and "There will be an answer",


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
el-cee


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I think thats waht alanon teaches us, there is more than one way to look our life and the people in it. I like your post mel and its good to see the insanity around isnt always about us. Happy for you. Its good for us to keep looking for the positives in every situation.x

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Newlife girl


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Glad to hear you are having a great day! i think i need to sit in my massage chair too. so is her school close to her dads? could she still go there if she lived with him? just wondering. it was so good for you to not give him an answer right away, and you remained calm. i am practicing that a lot. people dont need to get an answer right away. its ok to think about things! thats what i am working on.
i hope you have a fun week.

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Living life one step at a time
el-cee


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Excellent. This has been my experience too, i imagine everyones experience. Its like logical in a way. This place and these people have been the source or the beginning of your journey. All the issues that need to be sorted in order to fully let go are in this home right where you are. The freedom from this is starting right away, its so good to see. This is most likely exactly why it all worked out the way it did, it was supposed to, maybe your hp had your back at all times. The tools you have picked up in this post is amazing, look at them all. Well done. Your workjng it now.x

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missmeliss


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No NLG her school is in fact about 4 hours drive from her fathers house. I must have written that wrong. They want to take custody of her and send her to a catholic girl's school near them.

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Truth


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I had a very similar experience going to stay with my mom for a couple of months when I first had my son. After spending yet another month cleaning her house (not the cleaning you do because you live there and made the mess), I just realized this is not my cross to bear anymore. I am not a young child and I am not a university student who could get manipulated by the fear of money. I am an adult who gets to freely choose interdependent loving relationships. I love my mom ... She is wise, funny, gave me good boundaries, raised a really independent daughter .... However she can also be very manipulative. The divide/conquer game she learned from her mother. .... Well now all her children are "awake" and stopped playing. Now we are free to actually support and love her. My mom and her sisters are still playing the game with themselves. It is weird emotionally detaching from it all and watching them move around the chess board. I wonder when they will get tired?

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missmeliss


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el-cee you called it, you kept saying maybe I had to come home and deal with it and i didn't get it, I didn't understand why you would think it was good for me to come back here. But it's pretty good to come back , take the full force and say "well, that was annoying" and still be OK.
Sort of like this....

www.youtube.com/watch


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Debilyn


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ex does not have to pay child support?

Melly sometimes the path to serenity and making better choices takes awhile. I hope you do go to meetings. Ask HP to be with you as you drive. You know the nothing changes if nothing chanages.

It sounds like you are coming to many realizations. NO Your family is not right. They are just taking out their stuff on you. Easy to blame others than to take it on in  your own heart and mind.

I know A's count from their birthday. Have you ever thought about counting yours?

I did in the past until I was able to make those changes turn into habit and simply me.

ex Today I choose not to drink or use any substance, I choose no to engage with those who tear down my serenity, I will read my daily al anon supports etc.

today I choose not to gamble.

That is how my A did it. ONE day at a time,count those days. They matter.

I am sure your dog is happy when you are outside. (c: As long as he has a shelter, water freefood, blankets or hay he is great. Get him some bones for dogs.

lol it  surely makes you feel good that MD is doing well. that lady probably was under horrible pressure from her son, had zero to do with you. but again like many they transfer that pain to others. ugh.

hugs girly girl



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el-cee


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Its only because until i started doing the right thing, i.e. thinking rationally rather than emotionally changing the things i can, the same situations kept playing out over and over, like groundhog day.x

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Truth


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Great analogy El-cee .... It is like that movie haha

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el-cee


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Haha, you have no power over me. We should start a mip playlist of clips.x

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aquamom23


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Oh lol...re, I can't pay one cent towards educational costs but I am totally ready to assume full responsibility for the child you raised alone. Seriously. Super proud of how you handled that Mel. Such calm is beyond me and yet I see how much of a better way it is. TFS xx.



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Kerrymom


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I'm so glad to read you have some serenity back - I hope it keeps coming. I'm also very impressed with your response to daughters father - WOW! Thx for sharing your journey, your strength and resilience are truly amazing! ((((Mel)))

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A good day.