The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My computer was down for some time as we were working on the room. It is up and running now. I logged on today to check on the board and received three messages from friends here....thanks to you all for reaching out and checking on me......I really missed having this board.
Well, my A has been home for 20 days now. He has been going to meeting everyday and staying in contact with his friends from AA. He is still out of work, as his old job was a very active environment and he chose not to return there as a result and he is looking for work. Since he has been home he has been doing alot around the house to help me out, cooking ,cleaning, projects (my computer room) grocery shopping etc.....A nice change of pace as to how things used to be.....he is also actively looking for work....he has a few interviews set up..things are OK there...he has also been keeping his side of the street clean, has not asked for me to help with things like his bills etc....it actually is also quite a change. But of course there is alot here to deal with besides that....
The past few days have been a bit difficult for me. The addictive behavior that has resulted in his having Hep C has been incredibly difficult for me to deal with some days. Fear is with me on those days and eats at me. Fear of a relapse that could result in worse, fear of being hurt, fear of well....fear. We talk about it, and he is open and as honest as he has ever been when I ask questions, however, I can't help but bear resentment. I don't know how or if that will go away. We speak about it and in a way this is the most intimate a relationship we have ever had, however, it is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. (no pun intended). I try to stay in the day, not to dredge up too much of the past but that too is hard. This past weekend Iasked for more than I needed to know and it only caused me more anxiety and pain.
I am working on things and this is a long path. I realize that. Thanks to all of you for listening.
Kim for me, I HAD to let go and let god. had to. If a relapsed he did. it had nothing to do with me. I cannot and could not control it.
i had to learn to have my own life, and enjoy the good time with him. yes it hurt so bad when he finally used. but I would not trade the good time for anything.
they are very sick, I am sure it is no different than thinking about cancer showing up again after time of remission.
But we can learn to let it go. If they relapse we use our skills and lovem anyway.
I hope he cont. to have good days. please take one day at a time. Quit looking past one day. Makes it so much easier.
sorry about the hep c. My A is always drunk now. I am sure his liver will just blow up soon.
I'm glad things are going well!! It is strange when they forst come home from rehab and they are actually helping out. I hope things continue to go well for you!
I'm sorry about the fears and resentments. They truly can eat you alive! Take care and take it slow! Just try to focus on the here and now hour by hour if need be, that can help, when I think of the future it practically paralyzes me.
I hope you can continue to be open and honest with each other.
