The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started seeing a new counselor. I am not sure if she can help or not but I have a plan b if she does not help (I must say I never had a plan b in my life before so i am very very grateful for this program). I am working on some issues from my adolescence that really have haunted me for a long long time that cause me to feel a lot of anger and "defiance" and stubborness. I think I am finally moving beyond them because I am willing to face a lot more of the issues now.
The fact I can even approach them is something. Last year I was trying to work on some issues that came up for me around a pedophile who abused me. I told the A I needed some emotional space. All year long I had made tons of space for him financially and otherwise. He was sick, I paid for everything. He could not work I did not press him about the bills. I paid them left him to get better.
I want to make space for my issues and he is nasty and mean and dismissive. I will not make that same mistake again by not having support outside the relationship. I have also chosen not to share those issues with him. I do not tell him I am in counselling or what I am working on. I share very very little with him about my life not because I do not want to but because I have learned not to. He is too willing to use it against me. I am not up for any more betrayal. I am not setting myself up anymore.
He asked me where I was the other day and I said I was out job hunting. I do not disclose I am seeing a counselor looking at issues, seeing people to explore issues like looking at disability. I know now not to. I know he does not have space for my issues why press it? I am willing to surrender that one. I cannot make him care for me. I also of course cannot just stop caring for him but I can detach and I can use some of the caring and attention I gave to him so generously for myself.
maresie___________I cannot make him care for me. I also of course cannot just stop caring for him but I can detach and I can use some of the caring and attention I gave to him so generously for myself.
rosie_________ u know what??? when i began thinking like this when i was with my alkie husband , i dumped him--- its like WHAT did i need him for??? i would be "there for him" he was never there for me AND he was verbally abusive to me on top of it---- i finally got sick of being dissed and "demeaned" and this was B4 recovery....i remember getting up that morning, it was on my b-day and i packed up my stuff (we were living with his parents, cuz i couldn't support "us" anymore) and i BAILED!!!! i got tired of it!!!
of course i wish to god i had al-anon to go to so i wouldn't get into any more bad relationships, but the next guy i got involved in lasted 12 years, he was an "a" too, but real sweet to me...i still ended up ending the relationship, becuz i was ready for the 12steps, and he wasn't interested.....i tried to get him to go becuz we BOTH has severe problems and my life was unmanageable over my coda AND abuse of alcohol to numb my pain, and he needed it for his drinking problems......well i am here w/out him...and i pray each day that he got or is getting help, but its not in my control....not my business......i am taking care of me, and i can say for sure, that the NEXT guy?? if there even IS one??? is gonna be a hell of a lot healthier, cuz i am!!!!!!!
I too spent years trying to be the emotional pillar for my A. I found that when I needed a little cement mending myself I couldn't get it. Then when I openly showed my cracks, they were used against me to devalue me.
Screw that, I don't say much anymore. I rarely admit to therapy. I tell her my Alanon meetings in the afternoon are dr appts.
It's not worth putting myself on the chopping block to admit otherwise.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
bob__________Screw that, I don't say much anymore. I rarely admit to therapy. I tell her my Alanon meetings in the afternoon are dr appts. It's not worth putting myself on the chopping block to admit otherwise.
rosie______ AMEN, dude, i do the same thing w/ my detractors in the family...thank god the one who does put me down ( alkie brother) does not live near me, but if he did it would be "boundary" time and NOT allowing his BS...... i just cut him off ..refuse to take his calls....last year he "slithered" through dallas and wanted to "stop in on me"....i told him "have a nice trip, and i am busy w/my activities, and cannot see U" no explaination, no nothing...just wishing him well, but NOT around me.......he got pissed at my attitude and told our sister, who asked me about it and i just flat out told her, that it is my CHOICE who i have in my circle and i am NOT allowing toxins in my body (healthy eating) , so why let toxins near my emotions??? like why want him around??? so he can put me down face 2 face???? he can view his life through the bottom of a beer bottle and continue making bad karma and little ole me will work her program and get FREE of the family evil and bulls***........ i took his scape goat away and his butt is crinching over it--- too bad so sad---- he can get over it!!!!
Hello, maresie, You sound as if you are taking really great care of yourself. Thanks to the program, and thanks to your hp and thanks to you for stepping up to the plate for YOU! This is an inspiration to all of us. Blessings, mebjk
