The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I have spent the last two days in bed a lot because my house is freezing. The A has not arranged with the landlord the heating stuff he was supposed to. I really went all out before Christmas to get the landlord to agree to a new heater. The A is supposed to provide him a few simple measurements can't do that he is off working on some fantasy project or another.
Of course to him they are not fantasies they are his "golden fleece" and how dare I say anything about his issues. He is never in the moment taking care of stuff. The landlord gave him a new front door two years ago (the A would not let him install it) and it is still waiting to be installed meantime the wind and cold whistles through the cracks.
So I am cold which is not good for my asthma because there are various triggers that bring it on. But the A says my asthma could be cured if I would just take a walk now and again after all he knows more than anyone.
In the past I would be totally eaten up with resentment at his total carelessness and total absorption in himself. Now I see this as nothing new he has always been like this. Even in the days he was courting me and promising me and supposedly could not do enough for me he never took care of anything I just did not see it then. He lives in this constant slipping chaos and I have lived there with him until now.
I read a book when I was staying out of the a's way that detailed some of the path I have to take, detachment (sometimes I feel almost too detached but detachment is far far better for me than being overinvolved) then boundaries then the work I need to do. Being over involved with him has cost me so much, my time, my energy, my money (he just sucks that all up) my serenity and my emotions. I refuse to come into his world to be then dumped by the wayside when it suits him. I just keep on my own path, my own goals. We have no mutual goals. He states he wants a quiet life to take care of things then does otherwise. I do not believe him anymore anyway. I know he will totally betray me in a moment, has done that could do that and will probably do that again.
I am wise not to trust him. The issue is that when I am totally overinvolved with him and not taking care of me I cannot trust me either and I have to get back my own trust in myself before I can move forward with my life. So right now just taking care of me is the real issue just one day at a time attending to my needs rather than being sucked dry by his chaos and needs and then dumped and told I am nothing.
hi, wow you are really looking into things, facing things.
May I invite you to think of only you? What are you doing? What do you want for you? What are your hopes your dreams?
What do you believe it would be like if you were on your own?
Have you been walking your dog?
I know for me, I have to tear myself away from thinking about his bs sometimes. Getting so confused and embroiled in thinking about how he has treated me.
Well I quit allowing it. I also quit doing anything for him. Which surprises me. It is interesting to me how in time, with much detaching, ya really don't care to be around the disease anymore at all. Sadly it takes your loved one with it.
Anyway what are you like? What do you think about other than A?
I quit giving the a disease any attention. most the time it works.
thank goodness I have this spot when I do get sick by it again. Then some wise peoples, you included, remind me of the simpleness of program and I am back on my path.
