The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well we received the results of my mom's core needle biopsy. It is cancer. Strangly enough she is a breast cancer survivor and it is breast cancer that has spread. She has informed us kids that she doesn't believe she will have surgery, she is not doing chemo either. She is 82 and says that if the oncologist gives her a time line that is short she doesn't want to spend it sick or in the hospital. Us kids can't blame her she has watched so many friends and family go through that. My A doesn't know how to handle my ups and downs and told me Friday evening, after I called him at the bar, yes his relapse affected him and he back drinking, that he was on his way home. About a half hour later he called me back and said he was on his way. 2 hours later I called him and he was nearly home (a 40 minute trip that took 2 1/2 hours) of course he had to have a couple more drinks before he left the bar. I was pretty unsettled by the crisis I was experiencing but know deep inside that I can't control this and right now don't have the time or energy to deal with his stuff right now. On a brighter note, I met again with the guy at the company I want to work for and will give notice tomorrow at my job and will start my new job on March 6th!!!! It is a whole different job so I have so much research and reading to do.
Mary: I am so so sorry to hear of your Mother's diagnosis. I am glad that your mother has made up her mind what to do for her. Nevertheless I can only imagine you are devastated.
I am thoroughly familiar with the calling to see where the A is. That went on early on in our relationship and I did not know where it was. The A turned it all back on me and said my calls were obnoxious - well so was his drug use. I ask very very very little of him these days but I do feel a tug when he says he is going somewhere and then never comes back. He is worse on the holidays when he is around his family. I guess I just have to wait another few weeks till Easter and his birthday (he has a birthday in April). But really he can go off on this stuff anytime anyplace and I have no control over it.
I am so glad that you have found a new job that is helpful. I try to meter my expectations of work these days and work a program around it and talk about my work issues a lot (of course not to to the A he just says for me to deal with it so why bother talking to him he is not interested anyways).
I am so so sorry your A is off on a bandwagon when your mother is ill as she is. My A was off on something when my mother died. He never mentions her. I felt tremendously abandoned and isolated and alone. I am glad that you have this program to come to. I hope you will allow space in your life to process. A mother being ill no matter how old we are, adult we are, how much program we have, how much therapy we have is a big thing. I had to allow a lot of space to process my mother's death and when I did not it came up anyways.
I know what you are going through too well, and I am sorry. Having lost my mom to cancer and now my dad having it...I know. My prayers are with you and I hope that God is with you each and every day. Love to you and your family...
