The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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I absolutely can't take anymore...just for today. Yesterday my husband called home several times and complained about everything under the sun. Then he let lose with "Well, why should I be in a good mood? Every Friday I have to come home and give you my paycheck like a child." I knew exactly what he was getting at. He was craving. I told him "I don't give a damn what you do with your paycheck, my bills are paid this week." I knew he would go use. I didn't even get into it with him; although I did suggest if he wanted me to I would go shopping with him at the Big and Tall shop today. He agreed. Three hours after he got his paycheck (he called me to tell me exactly how much it was) he called again and I told him I was going to bed. He asked me where he should put the money and I told him I didn't care. I woke up at 11:00pm and called him to find out where he was; although I knew. He was due home at 6:00. He told me he was on his way home. I went back to sleep, normally I would have waited up. At 7:00am he called me and told me he messed up and he was sorry. I told him I know and went back to sleep. He knocked on the door about 30 minutes later. I told him I wanted him to get his stuff and leave. He began crying. I told him to find a program or get out. He was told he could have a bed tonight at 8:30 if he showed up. He asked me to give him a ride up there. I told him yes. We went to get lunch and he suddenly decided he wasn't going and it was my fault for giving him an ultimatum. I brought him back home and he passed out. I woke him up when it was time for us to pick up our two year old and he began screaming at me and cursing me. (We had a houeful of painters and handymen.) He went back to sleep and that was 61/2 hours ago. He hasn't moved. I know he's alive because he is snoring. I am so fed up. I am tired of fighting with him. I'm tired of being let down, feeling like I have a fourth child, spending the time, energy, emotions...Did I mention he got two more speeding tickets yesterday and I just paid three of them last week? I want him to get help and for a few minutes I felt good he said he would go. I knew he was going to use ahead of time, so why do I feel let down? I am not leaving my home this time and am not 100% certain I want him to leave, but do want peace and stability.
I'm sorry, this is so hard - especially when your home is turned upside down with painters and such. Reember, as long as your happiness depends on what he does and does not do, or say, you will be at the mercy of his disease. You can step of the rollercoaster.
Oh sweetie...I am so sorry. Try and keep your Focus on you and work your program. Let go and let god help him. You cannot cure him....I would not pay anymore tickets and I would stick to my boundaries. Decide what is best for you and your baby and stay with it. I was so afraid my A's leaving would destroy my daughter. He has been gone a year and he is the one who is being destroyed. We are just fine. Tonight at dinner my daughter told me we have the best family...just us. Me her and my mom...we are her family. Her dad is still and A and in denial.
I dealt with my own dramarama last weekend around marjuana use. I would echo what others say use your program. Today is another day you can start over. You can be nice to yourself, rest, take care of you. I try not to be involved in the A's business. You have to decide where the boundaries lie. I know I deal with and have dealt with the kind of non stop chaos you talk about. I try not to be overinvolved in it anymore. I try not to know. I do not want to be as involved with the A as I once was. At one time I envied the friends he spends time with. Now I do not. I could care less I have my own program, my own goals. Detach Detach easily said than done but without detaching I could do nothing.
Hi powerless~ I am so glad you came here and shared your experience with us. I too remember those crazy times, and that feeling of disappointment. I used to keep my books,daily readers(courage to change) handy so that instead of respondng to my A in those times ,I opened the book to the index and looked up what I was feeling..(IE: resentmet) and I just read all there is listed on that particular feeling. It helped me alot too, and still does to go to an open AA meeting and just listen. It is much easier for me to find compassion for someone elses A than it is for me to find it for my own. It is a disease, and I am by no means making excuses for such behavior, but I know for me when I get in a place where I just can't grasp the whole idea that he is truly sick,I NEED to go to an open AA meeting to be reminded,and to find compassion. I try to keep the focus on myself,and that AIN'T no easy task for me either cause I love to point the finger!!!! But it truly has been my experience that when I do what I am SUPPOSED to do and work my program,I am at peace,regardless of where my A may be. I too used to cover for his messes. I learned that by taking care of my side of the street,watching my words and minding my buisness, he fell on his own,corrected his own mistakes if he chose,if not that was his too... I too struggled with "do I leave or stay" for years...We have 3 kids together. I can honestly say that by turning it over to my hp and doing the next best thing I saw to do each time, things worked out the way God intended them to. In His perect time, and way. I didn't always like the answers or the outcome, but I learned over time to accept the things I cannot change,and change the things I can(MYSELF). Today I am ok...I am divorced almost 2 years, my kids are ok, and I keep coming back...My A did get sober, by the grace of God no doubt,life goes on. Life still happens,good and bad but I take care of me today. As long as I do it's all good,and when I don't, I'm back to CRAZINESS,SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL...and the only one to point at now is MOI! Great reminder that it works if you work it...I too am as sick as my A and need to continue if I want to live serenly and peacefully...one day at a time..Thanks so much for being here,I really needed a kick in the butt to get moving back to my meetings~ Thanks for sharing~Carla
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It works if you work it , so work it YOU'RE worth it <3
i know when i begin depending on ANYthing outside of me for my happiness, i am in trouble....
the slogan "let it begin with me" means a lot, becuz really what it is saying is, "u want happiness?? peace?? than look WITHIN"
since i learned to take care of me-- distance myself from my active alkies and druggies in my family, i am much happier...i don't expect anything from them, and i am not hurt by any of them.....i keep it that way...i take care of me ONE day at a time....peace/ rosie
