I had been pretty excited about my upcoming 1 year Alanon birthday for the last few weeks. I really am a cake celebrating kind of gal - so any reason for a cake is always good for me :0) We have a wonderful Alanon speakers meeting every month in our area that gives out chips for Alanon recovery. I was all excited and ready to go to this months meeting when I realized I had a conflict with my daughters basketball game being on the same night. Honestly - I can't even call it a conflict because there was no question that I would be at her game. I did feel a little disappointed that I wouldn't be there with my sponsor and my buddies to get my chip - but I wanted to be with my daughter. This program has helped me so much in my relationships with my children and my husband and so the disappointment really waned rather quickly. I remember thinking right after her game how happy she was and we all were just being together.

What I did decide to do since I couldn't make the speakers meetings was to go back to my original homegroup meeting on my actual Alanon birthday. This meant that I did play hooky from my college class that night - but it felt like the right thing to do. The dilemna about missing a class was easily soothed by asking a friend to take notes for me and just taking care of myself for the night.

Walking back into that room with many of the people who were there that first night I came into the program was just overwhelming. I think my eyes were wet off and on the whole night. I hadn't seen many of them for months because of my class schedule and not once was there a comment about why haven't you been. There was once again no judgment - just acceptance as I find is almost always the case when I walk into a room of recovery.

The meeting starts in its ordinary fashion and the chairperson asks if there are any birthdays - of course giggling to herself because she already knows it is my birthday. Then they do something I haven't seen them do before - they announce that they will pass a coin around the room so that everyone can put some "love" into just for me. I came to find out later that the coin passing has only been going since the beginning of the year. Obviously I was just thrilled and amazed that I was going to be so lucky to be getting a coin after thinking that I had missed that opportunity. Not only was I getting a coin but it was from this group of people who love and accept me and know me so well!! I could see the coin going around the room and watch how they would hold it tight between their hands and then pass it on to the next member. When it was presented to me at the end of the meeting I just started crying. My birthday happened to be on Valentine's Day this year and I can honestly say that few gifts of love have I ever received could trump the one I got this night!! It defined for me a type of love that I rarely felt as a child or even as an adult up until these last few months. That unconditional love that we all long for so desperately!

I was driving to class this morning and I picked up the coin and I held it really really tightly in the palm of my hand. My hands were absolutely freezing but the coin always warms them right up :o) I laughed when I opened my hand and saw the serenity prayer stamped backwards on my palm. "Yeah....that's about right girl."" I said out loud to myself. I get things screwed up and backwards sometimes but the people here in these rooms always seem to help me find my way back.

I love how this program teaches me how to be me....and I love the people in these rooms in a way I never knew how before I had any recovery. I wish I could mail the coin around to all of you so you could put your hands on it the way you have already put your hands on my heart!!

My HP finds ways to exceed my expectations when I find a way to let go and let god.

((((woomies)))) luv, Cyndee