The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Choices -This was the topic of my last two face to face meetings (both nights in a row) After a topic is given I take it with me to reflect on.
I was given a choice to attend an Al-Anon Conference.
I was second guessing my ‘choice’ to go. Someone asked me if I was going for the Al-Anon or for the friends. I looked at the choice I was about to make. Truth is, I wanted to go for both, the friendship and the Al-Anon -it is a re"treat"...
I was the last friend to join in the ‘friendship’ however not the last to sign up. I felt if I declined not to go there would be better space for the others and they would be more comfortable then in a possible crowded room. I later explained to a friend my concern. By speaking up I found out there was a way for all of us to fit comfortably. She was glad I brought it up and is happy I didn’t choose to ‘opt out’
The second thing I have been thinking of even before this was a topic at my meetings, I had been saying over and over –My ex husband is ‘choosing’ not to see his child. This boggles my mind. Way beyond my comprehension – How can someone not see their child for five months? How could someone choose not to call their child? How could he choose to miss Thanksgiving, his 16th birthday? How could he call a week before Christmas and ask the child “Well why haven’t you called me?” (typical to turn it around on the child) Then choose to miss seeing him for that holiday? Five months? He lives one town away. I also have another ‘dilemma’ of sorts going on. There is a guru old timer’s clique that travels to meetings in my area. They rule, they govern they take others inventory and they gossip. I am faced with two options (choices) A dear friend of mine in AA found me a church in my town and suggested I start my own group up. I am powerless over them, I am unable to share and get serenity with the ones they attend, I know I can not change them. I also know I am not the first that has had this experience with them. I have already spoken w/ the church it’s mine if I want it. I have also spoken to HQ, they said would be more then willing to help me start my own meeting.
After one of my meetings I had spoken to a member- she is an ISR (an information service rep) she gave me a few options in dealing with the existing group(s) members (which btw, she knows of well)
I can jot down notes for example, I can quote Tradition 2, Tradition 12 and Concept 4 etc as needed and use them wisely and nicely the next time I feel I am being stifled or others are not practicing Principles Above Personalities. Keep my notes on hand and choose to use them wisely. I may also have a rep sit in on a few meetings ‘anonymously’ Turns out I am not so powerless how I receive my revovery.
So that’s two choices I can "try" as hard as I can to apply the Principles Above Personalities and quote the Al-Anon as needed. Or I may choose to start up my own fresh new group. I am very fortunate to know someone who told me of this possibility with the church. Now by reflecting my thinking is not everyone has this opportunity, I am rather fortunate. Would it be better for others to start with a fresh group -OR would I better serve to stay, and do just what that woman at mentioned to me, by sharing my Experience Strength and Hope to the next person who will (chances are) face what I am somewhere -someday down the line with this guru dominating group? Passing along how I have dealt with it and what they may do as well – for them. It’s all a Choice. As for my ex husband, I was stuck saying “He” was the one with the “Choices” Choosing not to see and call his child. Now taking that topic with me a few days, I see I “do” have choices and have been exercising them as well.. I have chosen to act healthier –by “not” reacting. In the past when he has pulled this I would have had my ex’s family calling, screaming at me about the child, or me calling them. I would have let it eat at me beyond belief. Today I choose not to give him that satisfaction. I will not let anyone rob me of my Serenity. I can see where my recent choices to act rather then react in an unhealthy matter, is not only healthier for me but my child as well. I can see how I handled this before- yuck. It works if I work it, I am working it and I am worth it. This is an ongoing program.
I am able to see just how far I have come, and darn it feels good! Wishes, tea
This post really makes me look at my choices and focus on me. It also made me think of my fear of making a choice.
I think I really need to concentrate some of my efforts on Let Go and Let God and I also need to pray and meditate. If truly need HP's guidance.
Sounds like you have some interesting choices to make and it also seems that your not stuck in any one of them. If necessary you can regroup and try the other.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Good luck on the new group if that is what you choose to do. We have that in common.
hugs to you and your "choices"
(I needed to hear this today)
I have to choose how to live this next week also, in fear and anxiety, or to its fullest extent. Guess I will choose to not worry, it won't do me any good anyway. Time marches on........
I know what you mean about oldtimers!!! I am very fortunate, in the London area, I could go to a meeting just about every night (actually every night, if I came home late).
I have come across people, who have been in the program for years and years, and still, just dont get it, or, if they do, dont work it. On a good day, I try to understand, to "keep my side of the street clean" - but, at times, they drive me nuts!!! And, they can be destructive, putting off newcomers, thinking, because they have been there for the longest time - it is OK to dictate. Sigh, reminds me that we are a family, and we all know how hard families can be, lol.
It would be great if you could start a new group - and, you have the support and backup. Also, you are very strong, and know a lot about the program, you are serious about it, and will find things out, if needed.
When the time is right - you will make the choice. Good luck, thanks for posting - you always give me food for thought.
Hi Tea2 I would say go by your gut instinct on your choice with the church. If something is holding you back from accepting it then there is a reason for it. Whatever you decide you should feel proud of the fact that someone looks up to you enough to even ask you to start up your own group. My opinion is you would be a great messenger for HP. Luv Leo xx
