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So, I'm really starting to feel this now. This is the second day this week where all I want to do is cry. Sleep and cry, sounds like a plan. The A calls all mad today because he has to pick the kids up from school, an hour early on top of it because school is done early today. He had to cut his lunch with his mother short in order to do so. Says (for the hundredth time) that the kids are back on the bus tomorrow! Fine, I call the bus department and get them back on starting tomorrow. Sad part is that he doesn't work, doesn't really do anything at all. Now the kids will need to be on the bus for over an hour twice a day to get to and from school when it takes him 15 minutes to drive them! I called to let him know that they will be taking the bus again tomorrow and he asks me what's wrong. Told him I was "having a day", go figure...so is he. He asks if I know what is bugging me, tell him that I just want to sit down and cry, go figure....so does he. Tell him that I would trade places with him in a heart beat to have those times with the kids. To be able to talk to them before they start their day and to be the first to talk to them at the end of the day. He says nothing. How can someone be that rotten?! I just hate him! I hate him to his very core. Our son wants to know if he should talk to him. I told him not to bother. This is a first for me....I was completely honest. He's almost 17 (on the 23rd) I figure it's time. Told him that dad is sick, that as long as he is actively using it won't matter what he says. He agreed, said that talking to him would probably end up in an argument and lots of hurt feelings. I explained to my son that I'm working Al Anon for all of us. To start all of us on the road to recovery. That his dad will have to find his own way. He says....why does dad go to meetings if he is drinking? I told him I had no answer to that question. I guess I should look on the bright side.......at least I won't have to wonder if he's been drinking before he picks them up! Hopefully son will get his car fixed tonight and they won't have to ride the bus after all. Thanks to ALL of you that post on this board. I have been learning so much by just reading. I know that there is peace on the other side of this mountain.
Hi, I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel. I've been sad that my A chose to leave for reasons I'll never understand, and is starting his "new life" in another state. Just know that even if and when they stop drinking, it might not get any better. Mine turned into a monster. All these years he loved me, and I know he did, I saw it in his eyes and in his face. Well now that he has supposedly found "sobriety" he suddenly hates me and thinks our entire relationship was nothing but fighting!!! This is very hurtful to hear this, he has become so nasty and seems to forget the good we shared. It's like he's in this fog, I wouldn't be suprised if he has stopped his outpatient rehab out there and is drinking again, because apparently, I was the cause for his drinking all these years. Now hearing that makes it sound like he is definately not following any AA steps.
I can't believe your A doesn't even want to take time out to take your kids to school. What is that all about? I don't know how many women are alcoholics, but why is it that there are so many men, and that they become so uncaring towards their families? There is obviously something in men to make them such cold heartless monsters. Where does this come from, why does it happen? Is it something their born with, or do they develop it? Why are some men so caring and cherish their families and others don't? My AH always acted like he cherished me and the kids, we were his life for so long, but that changed so drastically, and I would love to know why.
Someday they will face their maker and have to answer those questions. Hopefully, God won't be so lenient then.
Take care, and make sure that 17 year old boy doesn't grow up to be his dad!!
if your son wants to learn more about his dad and his "condition", maybe he would like to go to alanon. he can maybe just go to a meeting, or read a book, or maybe just start out on a website like this one.
And now he calls and says he had a bad day and he was just venting to me. That he wasn't looking to me to solve his problems. That the kids were gonna be mad now that they will have to take the bus. I told him that I wasn't trying to fix anything. That it wasn't the first time he said that they can just take the bus and I was tired of hearing it. That obviously it wasn't working for him to to take them and pick them up. That them taking the bus eliminates that headache for both of us. That way I don't have to listen to it anymore. I will bring home the number for the bus company and if he wants to cancel it, he can take care of it. I am so tired. I want to just go to sleep for a year. What have I done? My poor children. I talk to them all the time about drinking. I explained that to my son again today, that this is why I worry about them drinking. That I don't want him to be sick like his dad. Of course he told me not to worry, right after he asked me not to cry. I will mention the idea of going to Alateen, he tried once and didn't like it. He's pretty stubborn......like his father. Oh man...I'm going to go pray now!
I have a 15 year old son, and I pray that he doesn't get involved with the drinking that goes on in highschool. I myself partied in highschool, but I didn't end up with a problem. Since his dad has such a problem, I preach to him and all my kids how important it is to not get involved in the drinking that goes on with peers. You can still have fun without the booze, and be the responsible one for everyone who chooses to drink. And if friends don't understand why you don't drink with them, then they aren't true caring friends.
Sometimes I think it'd be so much easier if the A just went away to a deserted island and leave us alone for life.
One thing I"ve had to learn out of necessity (living with an A) is that you can't count on them to do anything. I have learned to plan activities and schedule appointments etc for the kids when I am available. It is soooo frustrating, you think you've married a life partner, and instead you wind up with the equivalent of an "extra kid", only there's no hope of them "growing up".
My A is back from a week away...one of the more peaceful weeks the kids and I have had in a very long time. But he came back last night, true to form, with a 26 oz under each arm, now proudly displayed on the kitchen counter.
