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So, we go through this program to make ourselves better whether or not we stay with our A. I'm chosing to stay with my A right now, so how does that work with disciplining the children? I tend to think he's hard and unreasonable. However, I can be just the oposite, letting things just slide to avoid conflict. I like to say that I pick my battles. My A gets irritated that he can be in the same room with the kids but they will call me for something. He gets angry over the smallest things and can be extremely sarcastic. How do you balance the home life as far as the kids go? I mean, if I completely disclude him then he gets very upset. It's trying to balance the detachment with love with Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband. And advise would be appreciated.
Hello Nettie , wait for a day when he isn't drunk and try and find amiddle ground . tell him u know that you are too leinent and feel that he is too strict, perhaps u can find a solution that is benifial for everyone. u never know it just might work. But remember nothing remains consistant with a practicing A- change their mind every day .
Educate yourself and your children about the disease of Alcoholism, we print some great literature for teens from the alateen program . that will help them to better understand what is really going on . without showing disrespect for the alcoholic . Some times kids provoke the situation out of thier own frustration and confusion of what is going on at home. Alateen program addresses those issues too.
I hope that u are attending al anon meetings for yourslf they will make a big difference in your life.
A lot depends on how old the kids are, and whether he is just strict, or is actually mean and abusive.
If he is just stricter than you, but still reasonable, you could try what we do - whatever parent is in the room deals with it, and the other shuts up. If my husband is disciplining them about something (they are old enough now this doesn't happen too much, but it did, and while he was drinking) I keep my mouth shut. If it's something big, or something new, that we have no house rule about, I will say - I'm not sure how we'll deal with this, let me talk to your dad. Usually, when he was drinking, he would go with whatever I thought, as I was the main one raising the kids. Now that he is sober he is a little more involved.
This only worked because he ws a pretty good dad, for a drunk. Only once did I feel that I should have interfered, he went overboard in ragging on our son. He never hit the kids or really yelled and swore at them. I kept them more or less out of his way when he was just plastered, when they were little.
My husband gets angry that the kids turn to me most of the time.
I have made it very clear to him that if he has been drinking he has no say in anything about the kids. He is not to disipline them or yell at them. He can get ridiculouse, if the music is too loud he wants to cut the cord on the stereo, or smash the TV. His idea of bonding and addressing sex with our teenage son was to try and show him porno movies, I put my foot down, hard and fast. I reminded him when he was sober, that he is a father, not a peer.
We have kids ranging from babies to college age. It does cause some fighting, but I will not allow him to abuse or pick on the kids. Sober he is a good father, drunk, well that says it all. The kids know to stay clear of him when he is drinking, they do not get in a car with him without my permission.(I don't want them to have to judge if he has been drinking, too dangerouse.) He does get angry at this, but I tell him that if he chooses to get behind teh wheel of a car while drinking, I can't stop it, but I will not let him make that choice for our children.
Basically we handle it that if he has one drink in him, he has no say with the kids. As long as he is not drinking, we split it equally. Big decisions, we make when he is sober, together.
