The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter got here (3 hours late), but her daddy brought her. In fact, his girlfriend and their three other children came as well. It was a nice visit, but not long enough. She enjoyed her gifts. I missed Christmas and her birthday with her so had all of her gifts. Some of the nicer gifts she left here so they wouldn't get ruined. That gave me hope that she plans on coming to visit again. It hurts me that she wants to live with her dad and not come home. When he asks her if she wants to call me or visit she tells him no. She told me tonight that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying yes. He wouldn't let her spend the night and I can only visit her on his terms. He wants to work things out without an attorney and I hate conflict so I am tempted, but I know I want more than visitation on his terms. I will proceed with court. I feel badly because I let him and my daughter believe tonight that i am only going to court to seek fair visitation, but am actually seeking full custody.
My husband ran to the store and came home with a beer. I was disappointed, but at least it wasn't crack. I am dreading going to sleep because I am afraid he will have the dopeman make a delivery after I am asleep. There is nothing I can do about that though. The only money he can get his hands on is what is left out of his paycheck after grocery shopping today because the rest of the cash on hand is hidden and he doesn't even know I have it. I will not worry. I am going to get a good night sleep and look forward to a family outing we have planned for tomorrow. Thanks for all of the feedback tonight. I needed it.
Oh I am so glad~ I forgot how old is your daughter? It is a troubled time for her. I remember my parents being separated. I was in third grade. I felt so scared all the time with out Daddy around. I loved my mom, but he was who I felt safe with, and loved by the most.
Mother and we kids and Lady our Boxer dog moved to this little rental. It smelled funny and I just wanted to go home. Lady got out and we were all scared. She came back, I ran to the door and opened it and there she was all bloody with her eye hanging out. I screamed.
Mother called Daddy and Lady had to have surgery. She then only had one eye. I remember just crawling onto Daddy and not wanting to let go.
Lady was ok after her surgery. Still bit the hose water like crazy, still pulled us around w when we tied rags to our ankles...We still fought as to who's bed she would sleep in. Having one eye did not slow her down.
As for me, I had a new school, new house, not home, Mother cried all the time... and I wanted my Daddy. It ruined my life really. I never bonded well to these kids. This is what made me stay in the same school area for my kids. They have lifelong friends now, lots of them.
I have a few. But never felt I fit in, never felt safe anymore. Lost my innocence spell and joy.
Kids are very tender and if it is at all possible, not pulled into any of the talk or emotions of this stuff. Encourage them to talk, teach them to say,"I feel...."
Be careful, kids say what they mean. If they say I am nervous, they are. Saying, "oh hon you aren't, it is ok" really is not validating them. IF they say it , they feel it.
I raised kids and other peoples kids, and worked with kids for 18 years. I saw how adults tend to not validate what they say. They need us to listen and believe them even if it does not make sense.
I was in college to be an MSW. Wanted to counsel all ages and all kinds of obstacles for people. I know for sure, it is very important to everyone to be loved for who they are no matter what. And to be listened to is so so important.
I hope things go well. Again, what is her age? A teen will be different than a child.
Just for today . . . enjoy and relish the time spent with your daughter. I am glad you had that time.
Question for you - if your husband, who is not your daughter's Dad, still active drinking and drugging, is the home you live in a safe place for just for today?
Keep coming and keep posting,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
My daughter is nine and has lived with me all of her life. She has never felt as if she fit in since I married a white man and had another child who is white. (Her father is a black man and her sisters are all biracial).
If your husband is drinking and doing drugs,,,how is it that the daughter is with him and not you? Sorry for asking however this does not make any sense to me, surely the courts would not award a child to a drug abuser? Sounds like to me you have more rights than you think,,,use them........good luck,,,,,,
