The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I was able to speak to my husband last night, and he thinks he might be in for a while again, but hopefully this will be it. I mean hopefully this will clear up all the old stuff, and then he can get that out of the way.
The hardest part was telling the kids. My oldest is 6, I have a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. He is going to miss our daughter's first concert. She is devestated. It hurts so much to watch the pain she is going through because her father has made some bad choices in his life (like not taking care of this court stuff before it led to this). And the part that angers me the most is that he doesn't have to see it. He doesn't have to try and comfort our kids. Telling your 6 year old that Daddy can't be there, but Mommy will be, doesn't make it right in their eyes, just another dissapointment.
I know I am not responsible for his letting them down, he is. But I choose him. I have thought about this before, when he walked into my life, I would have fallen for anyone. I was looking for someone to love, to take care of, blah, blah , blah. He was the perfect person for that.
Sometimes I look at my kids and wish that I didn't have them, sometimes I wish they could have been saved from all the heartache that comes with the affects of alcoholism on the family. My children saved my life. My oldest was 2 when I first came to alanon, and my 4 year old was in my womb. I had to get better because they deserved at least one healthy parent. I made my choice for a spouse of of sickness. But hope and faith and love, keep me there.
Sorry guys, just working through some stuff here. Had to get the sick feelings outa my head before they took over.
See you all at the meeting tonight or tomorrow.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Remember all we can do is just do the best that we can. Unfortunatley a lot of the time our A's leave us behind to pick up the pieces. Your kids are very luck to have you, and even though your daughter is hurt that he will miss her concert, she will always remember that it was you who was there to support her. I know how hard it is to see our children hurting...but take pride in the fact that you are a good mother.
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
Hugs Dolphin you have enough love in your heart for two people by the sounds of it. Your kids have a kind, giving Mum who puts their needs before her own - you can't do anymore. You are doing a great job. Luv Leo xx
