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I thought he was going to disappear, and I felt better because of that thought. He had disconnected his phone and told my dad, (like he had told me the last time I talked to him) that he just wanted to start his life over, in the state he's in. My dad got the impression from him that he just didn't want anything to even do with the kids either. He didn't call, and I felt less stress thinking I wouldn't hear from him again.
Well, what do you know, suddenly, he starts calling frantically last night. He first tried to call my dad, but got no where there because my dad threatened him. Since I haven't answered his phone calls in almost 3 weeks, he started leaving messages. Nasty ones. He said I better start talking to him now because he talked to a lawyer and he has rights. He said he can have the kids 3 months in the summers and holidays. He said it doesn't matter how long he's been an alcoholic or how many times he's been in rehab, he can still get the kids. (I know all of this, I had a lawyer tell me the same thing) I don't know what started all this. In the two months that he's been gone, he hasn't seem to have a care about them. He hadn't asked to talk to them, or asked how they were doing until now, until I stopped talking to him.
He said he's called the police and knows now knows that i've been looking at his transactions on his bank account! I am now scared he's going to show back up in this state with the cops at my door suddenly demanding the kids. I think he's doing this to either hurt me, or because he knows I've gone after child support and that will ruin his fun spending time he's had going. It's like last night someone started telling him all these things he should or shouldn't do. Like suddenly he realized that if he has the kids at times, that's less money he has to pay. I feel like he wants to use them to hurt me, because he knows I'd do anything for them. I've always been the only one there for them.
He's been so rotten, out there spending money, taking people (probably a girl) out to eat, out for ice cream, just spending his entire check before a week is up. I don't know how he can do this while he knows his kids are at home on welfare now, and about to lose their house and car!! He's obviously still very sick in the head, but even though he doesn't have the drunk sound anymore, he's been lying like crazy.
He's a wonderful manipulator and liar, and I'm sure he's convincing everyone around him with his lies and making it look like he is right, he is the good guy. He totally forgets that he walked out on us, and chose not to come back. I didn't ask for any of this!!!! He yelled into the phone how he can't believe how I'm getting my dad all involved in this, well, did I have a choice!??!!? They are the only family I have, who else could I have turned to since my support, my husband left us!?!?!?!? I don't know what to do, I just pray he's stays away. My kids were petrified last night I know they are hoping he'd stay away to. I scared of what might happen next. I can't do this.
Hi sdisnei, I'm so glad you are here. You are having a horrible time with the disease of alcohol right now. We are here for you. I also hope you will find a face to face meeting, or call an alanon hotline in your area. You need to take care of yourself with all the craziness of the disease around you. I am glad you reached out to us, but it does so much for us when we can pick up the phone and hear the voice of someone else who knows what alcoholism can do. You deserve to be serene. Your being here is also good for all of the rest of us, sd. You are in my prayers today. Blessings, mebjk
This guy is seriously messed up! I would document every phone call from him, save any nasty messages you have and keep track of absolutely everything to do with him. He is not drinking anymore, but he is still a selfish and nasty person. It does sound like he has someone (probably another bitter drunk) telling him what to do. It's been my experience that the person with the best documentation wins in court cases. I work for social services and I've seen the system a little bit (most likely in another state), but I'm willing to bet if you have documentation of when he left, what he says when he calls, when he doesn't call, when you had to go on welfare, whatever else you can think of, you will come out ahead. This guy is so miserable he wants to make you miserable too. You and your kids deserve peace and a new start. Also, a lot of these drunks "think" they want the kids, but when they find out how much work there is and how they can't have their "fun", then they don't want the kids anymore. Also, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He might want them one minute and then change his mind the next minute. I feel so bad that you have to go through this. I feel so bad for your kids. I can't believe what people like him do to their kids without a second thought. You have a lot of us on your side. If I were in a position to help you out, you would never have to worry about money again. I hate seeing this kind of thing all because he is an alcoholic. Good luck, keep track of everything and don't let this s.o.b. get to you.
eventually you'll need closure. you can' dodge his calls forever and live in fear that he will show up at your door. but take care of you and your kids most of all. then try to get the situation resolved. track or record calls, get a restraining order, contact a lawyer, and try to move on with your life. there is someone out there waiting to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
I agree with all the others have said. I went through much the same with my ex. He was so nasty and hateful!! He knew I would do ANYTHING for my kids, and used that against me. He saw the only way he could hurt me was through them. He talked my son into leaving school, so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He talked my daughter into moving in with him, so he'd have someone to cook and clean for him.. Ha! That didn't last long, she's no housekeeper :) . He hurt them (not physically) but emotionally. Yup! He sure knew how to get to me!
I could go on and on, but you see my drift. He even bought a house across the road from me so he could control me. It didn't work! I went on with my life, and found peace and serenity. At times, I literally forgot he was there!! My kids moved in and out. It did hurt, but they let me know they loved me no matter where they were. He made them feel sorry for him.
Anyway, he ended up getting re-married (to a good housekeeper) :) and moved far away. I don't even know his address, and don't want to!! My daughter moved away when she was 20, to a place about 1 hour from him. She only saw him 3 times in 1 and 1/2 years. He sent her $40. because she called him and told him she had no food in the house for Christmas. He wouldn't help her in any way. I feel so bad for her, she always saw in him things that were never there. He has hurt her badly. My son went to see him, and the only time he saw him was at the airport!
The only interest he ever had in them was to get to me. (That's why I say MY son, MY daughter). He was never a father, never should have been..
My life is wonderful now! Sure, I'm in love with an A, we've had some rough times, but I always knew he loved me and needed me (yup! co-dependant!). That last year with my ex was pure Hell!! I had ulcers, panic attacks, I shook all over, even my voice, I was in physical pain because my nerves were so bad.. My daughter was out of control.. HIS solution was to try to try to put her in Foster Care!!!! He didn't want any problems in his life!!
Sorry, I'm rambling!! You were finally finding peace in your life, and now he is trying to disrupt it. I know it's hard, but try not to think about him, and go on with your and your kid's lives. I don't think I would block his calls, because he may try to use that against you saying you were blocking access to his kids. It's too bad you have to listen to the horrible things he says, but... If you don't have an old-fashioned answering machine, try to get one so you can keep his messages. Praying for your and your kids that you will find peace and serenity, TLC
Your ex sounds like he is much like mine. Tape those phone messages!! Document everything. My ex never drank, but MAN! he4 sounds like one of the worst As. I don't think you have much to worry about. He's probably jealous because he sees you are enjoying life without him, and not curled up in a ball crying your eyes out because he left. Maybe he sees that his life isn't so great after all, and wants to make yours as miserable as his!!
