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level.
Had a bad night at work - at the one job that I dont HAVE to be at. I am giving of my time here to finish out the swim season so this team doesnt lose a head coach in the middle of the year. I got frustrated with 3 of my swimmers not working hard in practice and stopped them in the water, looked at them, and said get out of the water and get dressed. End of story. 3 kids then call mommy and cry that they were humiliated and were kicked out of practice and two moms call me furious that I humiliated their children. I asked them - what is it I am supposed to do? I want these kids to work hard and make their qualifying times for meets and they arent going to do it by not working hard. Working hard comes with pain and tears and frustration - not smiles. If they arent working hard - I dont want them in the water. There was no "yelling" (which is a taboo word on my team) - just a calm disciplinary action.
What is up with this world? When I was growing up - if I got kicked out of practice and called my mom in tears, she would praise the coach!! I guess when my boss reprimands me for not doing my work - I should have my mom call and yell at my boss....
Does that work? Cause I live with my mom and I am gonna ask her to call my boss next time I get my butt chewed at work! I know my boss will get a chuckle out of it!
You can never please all the people and you don't know the exact information they are telling their parent's anyway. As a teacher I do know it is a different world we are living in and things are not handled the way they were when we were young. The family dynamics are not the same either and kids are not the same as well. Once they learn your rules and boundaries the rest will follow. Just be consistent. To me consitency is the key. It sounds like you handled it your way and your way may be what brings in state titles! Keep up the good work. cdb :)
As a sports official I see aspects of this all the time. Today is a different age, so often calling attention as you did in a public forum is taboo, but if you look at all the sucessful coaches, they still do it, especially when instilling and reinforcing a work ethic.
So many parents today have no clue of the underlying reason for sports in kids lives. It's to instill character and physical fitness at a young age through an activity that is fun and healthy. Instead parents think that the purpose of sports is to build Johnny/Janes self esteem with quick fixes and wins and the long term value of sports are a scholarship and professional contract.
They have no idea the value of teamwork, learning how to win but also how to lose, how to accept things that don't do your way (bad bounces, incorrect calls by human officials). Look at the Seahawks and the Superbowl, the coach concentrated on some calls he didn't like by the officials, and said nothing about how bad his team execute the crucial last two minutes in each 1/2. Nope, no acceptance of their responsibility in their own loss.
Sports could use the serenity prayer. Accept those things I can't change: bad bounces, officials judgment, the quality of the oppenent. Courage to change the things I can: work hard, do your best, do not let the adversity above ruin your outlook. Wisdom to know the difference: Wow is that lacking in youth sports.
It's not you Cyn. The best part is Cyn. There are ton's of programs out there. If they don't like it they can go elsewhere. Those who value the true assets of you and your program will stay.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
As a mother of a 16 and 13 year old I applaud you. If either one had called me crying over something like that, I would have told them that they had best put in 150% the next time! That way they would avoid what they considered "humiliation".
Sometimes it is very hard being a coach and especially a FEMALE coach - male coaches can get away with discipling and even foul language, but I get reprimanded by parents all the time for being "too mean" to their kids and having no connection with them because of it.
It has been eating at my mind all day and all night - I feel disrespected by these parents and now since this parent came in to "yell at me" the kids have no respect for me as a coach. They know the next time I get upset with them - they will go home and mommy will come in and defend them and make sure I get yelled at for it.
I had a flashback while reading your post. My brother played baseball while he was growig up. I remember a few times that I saw his butt chewing, and I felt so bad for him. My mom did not like it either, but saw it for what it was and stayed out of it. My brother wasn't listening to the coach, and this affected the whole team, not just my brother. Sometimes we need a good "chew" to help get us back on track.
Sorry you had a bad night. You did what you thought was best for the team, and that is what you are supposed to do.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Can you come up with some other way to discipline them? I think its very very difficult in this world to manage to please everyone and I would agree with that. There are some jobs that I have done that are impossible because people do manipulative stuff like these kids did to you. But there is probably an alternative isn't there. I have found one of the things I do as a people pleaser is to give 150% to everything. Some things are not meant to have 150% given to them. I know sometimes my wanting to do a good job is not necessarily in my best interest if I look at the big picture people are not asking me to do a "good job" they are asking me to do an adequate job and that is really all I need to do. Why set myself up? I have done that so many times. I do think this is actually an al-anon issue as it is about control/manipulation and power. In this case as the coach you should have the power so how can you own that power given that you know these kids know how to manipulate already. I don't think their parents are giving them a very good lesson in being in the world but that is their choice. Your choice is to protect you not exhaust yourself and do what makes you feel good rather than be set up.
Wow Cyn, I always thought swimming had guys and gals on equal footing.
I've seen this problem in other male dominated sports. I've worked w/ some excellent women official who have extra problems because they are officiating a male dominated sport. It's BS.
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
As the daughter of a swim coach you absolutely did the right thing. Yes, back then when I was a kid too the parents would stand by Dad. Don't give in. These days, the parents need to back off and let the coaches do their job. Heaven for bid, you would teach them discipline, committment and a good work ethic. Don't let the parents ruin a job for you that you obviously love. It's the parents problem, not yours. Coaching is not easy, in any sport. My Dad use to tell his swimmers if they complained that he was like a duck in water, the complaints rolled off his back and he could still swim. As for the kids, keep being the good coach that you are. They are lucky to have you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am proud of you for doing what you feel is best for the team and not yelling. I feel that calm discipline is so much more effective and less humiliating than having to raise your voice. Stick to the methods you have been using and hang in there.
Cause I live with my mom and I am gonna ask her to call my boss next time I get my butt chewed at work! I know my boss will get a chuckle out of it! 
