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I would just like some input or experiences with your A's drinking and driving. My A had figured out this morning that he didn't have enough liquor to get him through the night and was going to the car to drive into town (we live in the country about 25min out of town) anyways I had the keys to both cars and I was not going to give them to him, of course he ranted and raved about wanting "his" keys to "his" car, I explained that if somehow he got the keys as soon as he drove out the driveway i would be calling the police. I told him if he wanted to go somewhere i would drive him, but he didn't want that, I told him to get a cab, which I'm sure would cost about $50.00 from where we live. Well anyways I still have the keys and he is still home but I know the argument will start all over again tomorrow. Should I just let him create his own crisis or should I call the police if I know he is drinking and driving. If it was a stranger I certainly would have no problem. Also he is a mechanic and needs his license to work, although he is not working right now. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Ordinarily I would suggest you allow him to create his own crisis and solve it, but drunk driving is another matter. The horrific damage drinking and driving can do dictates that you intervene. Others may not agree, but I could not live with myself if I let him go and someone ended up dead. Think about it that way, and do what you must to keep him off the road. Even if no one is hurt or worse, you are financially responsible, just as he is, for any property destruction he may cause.
Best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I agree with Diva, this is one of my boundaries with my A.
If he has had a drink he does not get the car keys.
It was one the hardest boundaries to keep because my A would get very angry if I refused to give him the keys and he would keep trying to convince me to give them to him. It has probably taken 2 -3 years for him to accept this but I couldn't live with myself if he went out had an accident and injured or killed another person.
Now he will come to me and say he has had too much to drink but he needs to go to town. I will take him myself but I will not drop what I am doing to drive him, I finish whatever chore I maybe doing or wait until the tv show I am watching ends and then take him.
Hi, This is a topic I feel very strongly about. I have struggled and wrestled my A many times in order to get hold of the keys so he can't drive drunk. Only last week i took the keys off him and have a big brooze on my arm that reminds me of it. I am baffled why As think they are fit to drive when they can't walk straight. Many times I thought to just let him leave and deal with the cosequences in case of an accident or him being caught by police. However, I could not live with myself if he would kill somebody. I feel it is my responsibility to prevent something that could possibly be very devestating for another family. The risk is just too big. I feel for you because it's not easy to stand your ground. Good luck
We've had plenty of discussions about this here - it's a hard one, but I think most of us come down on the side of interference in this case. Because the possiblity of harm to someone else, entirely innocent, is so real and so devastating, drunk driving is a separate case.
I will say that when my husband was drinking, before I came to alanon, it never occured to me that I could do something about his drinking and driving (actually he was fairly good about it - he certainly drove while over the legal limti, but seldom when he was really wazooed.) My limit was not to go with him or let the kids go, when he was really drunk.
Thank you all for your thoughts on this subject, I guess with myself I know that if I can get the keys away or stop him from taking the car I have no problem sticking to my guns, but if he does get the car should I call the police. I know ultimatly this is my decision but your thoughts might help.
Hi, Lori, just a few weeks ago, my husband stumbled out of a bar (practically crawling actually) and got into his truck and drove home. I did call the police on him, but they didn't even take me seriously! They just thought I was a pissed off wife trying to get him into trouble so they didn't even attempt to look for him. Luckily, he managed to make it home with NO ONE getting hurt, but if someone would've gotten hurt, there would be huge trouble. I know I did the right thing, but I think the police would have to answer some tough questions there if something terrible happened. If my husband got caught again, this would've been his third DUI. We would've been ruined financially, I'm sure of it, but we would be ruined if he killed someone too. Good luck to you.
