The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have really been struggling emotionally these past few days with my "a" and our relationship as some of you know. I have been feeling some real intense mood swings the last couple of weeks. I get bluesy at least once a month , but I've never really had this overwhelming feeling of sadness and frustration come over me all of a sudden. I begin to cry and feel like I have to lie down. This morning I just started crying while making my breakfast. My "a" of course is not sympathetic or caring he says I do this because I crave drama in my life. I'm thinking this is situational due to the changes that are happening in my home. I failed to mention in my last post that my "a" has recently gotten a new job and is making better money than he ever has. He immediately makes friends with this young couple who have called him constantly, the girl calls him more. I asked what do they want with you that they have called six times over the weekend. He just says they want me to come out and party with them, I don't know why. So, I dismissed it at first, but then over heard him talking with the girl Sunday night, it was a wierd conversation and eventually he stepped outside and then hung up immediately. Yesterday he comes walking out with two young girls and says he's going out to the bar tomorrow with people from work. In the last four years of our relationship I have never felt intimidated or worried about him cheating on me, but now that he has one foot out the door and begins making these new friends I feel very hurt and angry. I feel sad like he's tossing me aside for a new group of people that meet his needs.
I have been reading my Just For Today Bookmark and it helps, but sometimes this wave of sadness comes over me and it has really affected me. My energy is low, my appetite is low, I don't want to play with the kids, and its affecting my concentration at work. I don't want to get on medication, but a friend of mine said that something mild could help level me out and get me through the hard times. Anyone have any thoughts about this?
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
maybe him "tossing you aside" could have an advantage. but it is not his decision (sounds weird but it's not)--it's yours. you can toss him or be tossed. in the end it doesn't matter. only you can decide how you want to be treated. you sound unhappy, and you deserve to feel better. start doing stuff for you. don't concentrate on what he's doing. start doing things that you want to do. go out with friends (dinner/coffee/or chat),work-out, go to the mall, read a book,...do what makes you happy. remember, take care of you first!
I have this on my Fridge. It got me thru may days when I just didn't think I was going to be able to keep going. I've been in a very similar situation. Don't hold those emotions back, you're allowed to feel it all and let it go. It's part of healing. The first few months I mourned -- it was grieving it in its truest sense. The loss of a long relationship, feelings of failure, anger, sadness....but when it came full circle I found I was mourning what I never really had -- a good healthy relationship. (((((lots of hugs to you)))))
Acceptance.......
Is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
This also helped me..
The Weaver My life is but a weaving Between my God and me, I do not choose the colors But He worketh steadily.
Oftimes he weaveth sorrow, And I in foolish pride Forget He sees the top While I, the underside.
Not till the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
But, the dark threads are as needful In the skillful weaver's hands As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned.
I spent years not wanting to take medication to help me cope. Things just got worse and worse. Many times I'd spend days just laying around because I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Lots of times I just burst into tears too. If I could go back and do it again, I would have gone to my doctor a loooooong time ago. There are lots of different types of meds that you can take that aren't habit forming, and ones that you don't need to take on a regular basis either...just when you need something to help you cope. I think that lots of people think that if they start taking something they will have to take it for the rest of their lives which most of the time isn't true. Depression and anxiety are detrimental to your health and they need to be treated just the same as any other illness. There is no shame in seeking medical help, you will not regret it.
At the same time, don't worry about letting emotions out. I believe it's our body's way of releasing a lot of the negative energy.
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
I think its important to keep the focus on us. I know I can go into real pangs of insecurity and rage with the A. Then I am totally over focused on the relationship. I need to focus on me and my life. I have a life outside of the relationship. How is that? What is that? What am I doing about that?
I have to remember what i can control (which is not the A) and what I can't. Focus helps me a lot. Because I can generally make a lot of changes in my own life and try to make my own focus fit my mood and take care of me.
I think personally it has been very hard for me to take on that the A has very little time for me and my issues. He has infinite time for his buddies. That is the truth. I have to seek support love and connection elsewhere. I have valid needs because the A cannot meet them does not mean they are not valid. He is always saying they are not valid but since they are my needs it is up to me to decide what's valid and what isn't. Not him.
, but I've never really had this overwhelming feeling of sadness and frustration come over me all of a sudden. I begin to cry and feel like I have to lie down. This morning I just started crying while making my breakfast. My "a" of course is not sympathetic or caring he says I do this because I crave drama in my life. I'm thinking this is situational due to the changes that are happening in my home. I failed to mention in my last post that my "a" has recently gotten a new job and is making better money than he ever has. He immediately makes friends with this young couple who have called him constantly, the girl calls him more. I asked what do they want with you that they have called six times over the weekend. He just says they want me to come out and party with them, I don't know why. So, I dismissed it at first, but then over heard him talking with the girl Sunday night, it was a wierd conversation and eventually he stepped outside and then hung up immediately. Yesterday he comes walking out with two young girls and says he's going out to the bar tomorrow with people from work. In the last four years of our relationship I have never felt intimidated or worried about him cheating on me, but now that he has one foot out the door and begins making these new friends I feel very hurt and angry. I feel sad like he's tossing me aside for a new group of people that meet his needs. 