The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am anxious. I am having some anxiety over my X. He calls me about my son's car and what he has to do to get it back. Has to be released by the DPS. Has to have insurance. Has to pay all the fines on it and has to have Power of Attorney to get it. He's asking me if I did this before. YEAH Bill.....twice. I want the car back but I'm not going to help get it back. If it doesn't happen so be it.
My son might lost his car and he will be upset but he put it there didn't he. I don't need to help him anymore just love and visit because that's what I do want to do. Everything else is in God's hands. Right?
If my X wants to get it then get it. That's his choice.
But I still have guilt and anxiety about it....OH WELL!
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Yes, your son's choices resulted in his car being in impound. No, it isn't your responsibility to get it. No, you don't have to help anymore. You can just visit and love him because that's what you want to do. Yes, if your x wants to get the car out of impound and pay all your son's bills and clean everything up then he can do that even if it is enabling. You are powerless over him, too. And yes, you still have guilt and anxiety and no you aren't being a bad mother because you're letting your son experience more of the consequences of drinking and driving. (((C)))
So true, Cathy, one day can be so different than the one before. What I think is awesome is you were aware of your feelings and you did not let them majorly influence your day or your recovery. Yay!!
I love how much you 'act' instead of 'reacting'. I get a lot out of your posts, even when you think you are doing something bad. It's kind of a pain though, to know you are doing and saying the healthy, HP-centered things, but still get the residual anxiety, like a useless body part the human race has since evolved out of needing (i.e. wisdom teeth)! I get that too. You are doing great.
Cathy, think about it this way. If your son was at your house asking you to get his car out of inpound and pay for insurance would you do it. I don't think so, your smarter now than to enable him. Even though he is not using it now he will eventually. Your x is just thinking about the monetary worth not the enabling part. ...og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Or, maybe your ex is still at that stage where he thinks his "detaching" is designed to help his son and motivate him and he hasn't arrived at a point yet where he is able to look out for himself and really let your son deal with his own consequences? It sounds like he had a pretty whirlwind education about the reality of it all and he doesn't have alanon I don't think? You know him a lot better than I do, that's just what came to my mind.
Hugs anyway, you are amazing!!
My son might lost his car and he will be upset but he put it there didn't he. I don't need to help him anymore just love and visit because that's what I do want to do. Everything else is in God's hands. Right?
If my X wants to get it then get it. That's his choice.
But I still have guilt and anxiety about it....OH WELL!
you are practicing detachment...sounds like X is NOT....so be it....i see you growing big time since i met you here.....and yes, "just love and visit b/c thats what I do want to do" AMEN, Cathy.....good share...good on you for seeing what things are and saying "oh well, creator, this one is for you...I am just gonna love my son and visit him"
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
