The material presented
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level.
Just posting to say this is the first time I've been on this site and I REALLY need advice, I love my dad sooo much and I miss him being the dad and me being the kid! I don't know what to do to help him!!!! He's trying so many things, the bible, rehab, and AA. Am I just selfish wanting him to grow up?? HELP Reply if you're out there please!
jkl, I don't post here often, but I read the post. I am an alcoholic, been sober almost 21 years...my husband of 22 years is an alcoholic who is in a state ordered treatment facility for felony DUI. I'm also an adult child of an alcoholic.
I'm so sorry you are going through this with your Dad, you said you love him and that is about all you can do. Have you ever been to Al-anon or Alateen? Please keep coming here, posting and reading. There a lot of people here who will share their experience, strength and hope with you. You did not cause the alcoholism, you can't cure it and you can't control it.
I have a 19 year old son who is hurting because of his Dad's disease and it breaks my heart to watch him suffer, all I can do is pray and give him the encouragement he needs to be the best he can be.It is not his responsibility to fix my life or his Dads.
I will pray for you and your dad. Let go and let God, He is in the miracle working business.
I've never been to either, too scared to talk face to face I guess. I just decided I couldn't keep it all inside NE More and did a search for a Al Anon/ Alateen chat group. I really like this one Thanks for the prayers and keep 'em coming
I'm the father of 3 children in the home with an alcoholic mom. I understand how hard it is on the kids as much as a parent can. You can go to the Alateen meetings and you wouldn't have to talk, you could just listen. Then you can also get the kid perspective. Also you can look into any school counseling available. My children's schools have counselors specifically to deal w/ substance abuse in the home.
GrannyRose was right on about you not being able to control it.
You asked if it was selfish of you? Well not selfish but you can't control if he does what he is supposed to. You can control you. Come here (there is also a teen board that you can talk to others as well), try face to face and do what your supposed to do. Be a kid ! To those things that kids your age do. Hang out with friends, etc. Don't get the chaos at home keep you from doing your job. Your job is to go to school and do your best. Be careful not to feel as if your job is to support the family. One of my daughters friends already quit school to get a job to pay the rent.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I just wanted you to know that you are thought of and in my prayers! I am married to a recovering alcoholic, sober now for 21 months. My dad was an alcoholic all of my life. He was literally the "town drunk". It hurt me to see him that way, and all the pain he inflicted on me and the rest of our family. I think I especially took it hard...maybe I was more sensitive. The one thing it made me want to do...I vowed I would never drink! (I ended up marrying an A - my second and current husband!) But seeing how he was and what he was doing to his life made me NOT want to do that same thing to mine. All four of my sisters have done drugs and alcohol, but not me. Well, I did drink wine on occasion, but never liked the taste. I will NOT drink it anymore, since finding out that my husband is an alcoholic.
My point with all that was this...you seem to have a good, loving head on your shoulders, and if you don't get anything out of all this mess other than not doing it yourself, then blessings to you! Everyone that responded to your posts was right...you cannot control what he does, and what the outcome will be. You certainly didn't cause this problem, you absolutely cannot control it, and God knows you cannot cure it, hard as you might want to and try to. I would agree with the others here about trying to find an alateen meeting to go to. You can just sit there and not say a word. It's unbelieveable how much help it can be just to know you are not the only "kid" going thru this hard time. Your siblings certainly would also benefit from going and hearing their stories. They are hurting inside just like you are - I'm sure you know that already - and you cannot fix that for them. You can be a source of strength for them, though, by showing them what options they have. Just don't take on the responsibility of making it all better for them. They need to learn that themselves. That will be a necessary life skill to help them as adults, as I'm sure you already know.
I wish you blessings, and just know you are NOT alone. You can come here anytime or to the alateen website and post. That would be a good place to post, or even the ACOA - adult child of alcoholic - website. I think there are links to those from the main message board page (not sure).
Jkl--I'm so sorry you're in this much pain. You have every right to feel each and every feeling till they're through. I would recommend you come to some of our online meetings, or, even better, go to face to face meetings in your local area. The people in the rooms will understand, validate and accept what your feeling until you feel better about what your feeling. I reassure you that you ARE NOT selfish or immature. You are normal. Please come to some of the meetings. Share. Get a sponsor--someone who will take you through the steps of al anon and help you to heal some of this deep and painful hurt. And know you are loved, dear.
It takes a lot of courage to reach out & I'm proud of you for doing so. Alcoholism is a very complicated & deceiving disease. If you can't get to any meetings being a kid, maybe u can come into our chat room & talk & we do have meetings twice a day held in there.
You can't control his disease and you did not cause it either. At least he is trying right now & that is a Blessing.
Hang in there & know you are not alone, I too was raised ACOA (adult child of alcoholic/addict) & we learn some very messed up ways of dealing with ppl & coping.
This Program works & has saved many lives, you too can find some peace, it takes time.
love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
