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I think I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. My A went to pittsburgh to his friends house and a whole bunch of them are going out. Not to any "clubs" he said, just local. Anyway, this friend of his is a pig. He cheats on every woman he is with, including his ex wife. that is what started my anxiety. I have all these scenarios in my head about my A cheating, and different ways it may happen, to the point I think I have convinced myself it WILL happen. I am supposed to meet my A at his friends house tomorrow with another friend of ours b/c we are all going to watch the Superbowl and then we are coming back to the house my A is staying at tonight, so we can sleep there(did that make sense)So NOW I am sitting here worried that we will not be able to find him tomorrow, that he could either be in jail, in an accident, or at some random girls house he hooked up with, and we never find him to watch the superbowl, and that I am a nervous wreck the whole time. I just wish I could make all these bad thoughts go away! I don't even know if this email made sense. I hope it did, and that I am not just rambling. Any advice would be helpful. I am trying to watch t.v. but all they talk about is the superbowl, and they keep going to different bars in the city, so of course, that makes me think of him! He just gets so drunk that I really believe he would cheat on me and NOT know! He literally blacks out. Of course when he is that drunk, he can't really "perform"much if that makes sense. thanks for listening, and I will take any advice anyone has! Thanks! I am so glad I have this board!
Try not to worry yourself. Bottom line is that if it is going to happen, it will happen. No amount of worrying will change that. If he doesn't have a history of cheating on you in the past then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Try to do something that will take your mind off of things. Try reading a book or doing crossword puzzles (try doing soduko puzzles...there are lots you can do online, just google them...it takes a lot of concentration to do them so it will keep your mind off things). Take a hot bath and drink some warm milk to help you relax and then just try to go to sleep. You'll feel much better in the morning. Remember to take each day at a time. Don't waste your energy worrying about tomorrow when you don't even know yet what tomorrow will bring. Take care of yourself!!! (((Leah)))
-- Edited by Jayda at 23:33, 2006-02-04
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
Not a great night for you, but remember you have no control over what he says or does tonight. Tomorrow will be another day, and there may be fallout to deal with after today, but you will survive. I agree with Jayda if there's anything you can do to keep yourself busy it might help. Any friends to call?
Another thing to think about is if he did go there intending to cheat on you there's no way he'd want to meet up with you there tomorrow. He'd do everything in his power to make excuses for you not to come there. Don't sweat it, I'm sure everything will be fine.
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
Your worry will not change what happens miles from you. All it will do is make you unhappy, and wreck your evening, and probably your night's sleep.
A little vigorous excercise won't hurt. If you find it hard to read a novel, read some alanon literature. Run down to the video store and rent yourself a movie, if there's nothing on TV - something that is NOT about relationships, or football, or... (When I was going through hell about my husband cheating on me, I was also reading a novel about infidelity. I finally realized "You know what? There's no law that says I have to finish this right now." and threw it out. Felt much better, too.) Get a Pink Panther movie or something.
Remember, though - his choices are not about you. They are about him. Your worrying, your envisioning scenarios will not stop him from doing whatever he does. They also won't make it happen. Reality is, you have no influence on what he does tonight. But! If you show up tomorrow, tired from a night of worry, pissed off from imagining what he maybe did, then you will be in no mood to enjoy what COULD be enjoyable. Why punish yourself, and him, for something that may not even be happening?
My a had a friend like that who has thankfully moved away now. I think that kind of relationship can totally destroy a marriage/relationship. I have spoken to the A at length about it. He answers with the words of the creep, minimizing everything. He will never know how much he hurt me with it. So I gave up on the resentment. The resentment was holding me back. That is big for me to give up on the resentment. I think its part of letting go of knowing the A will never understand that I needed certain things and it was always his way only.
He is suprized by my detachment. I told him today I do not want to hear about his problems anymore. He was astonished. I was always totally over involved. Now I do not seek to be involved anymore and I do not need to know either.
