The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been to 3 meetings, although I do visit this site daily. This might seem ignorant but what exactly does a sponser do, when do you get one and how will I benefit etc. as yet no one has mentioned sponser's at the meetings.
Also at meetings does it matter if you don't speak or will people be offended and think that you don't want to be involved, only at the moment I feel I am not ready to open up and prefer to listen and associate where possible.
Welcome to this site! I am glad you posted, as I had the same question when I first started alanon. I didn't want to speak up in meetings to ask about it either.
A sponsor helps you work thru the 12 steps, at a pace that you are comfortable with. Having someone who has "been there, done that" to help you understand working the steps is very helpful. Sometimes you think you are all alone, and no one knows what you are going thru, but a sponsor helps you to understand you are NOT alone, and helps you grasp the steps. Sponsors are not perfect, nor are they to take the place of counselors, but they are there to offer their experience, strength and hope to you, the new alanon member (as are all of the alanon members). Sponsors even have their OWN sponsors as well, to help themselves deal with issues too. It's really the 12th step at work...carrying this message to others. It really does work!
As for not speaking up during meetings, you are under NO obligation to speak up, if you don't feel comfortable doing so. If, when going around the room during a meeting and reading the steps, you would rather not read, you may say "pass". No one should make you speak up during a meeting...it's totally up to you. Having said that, I will add that when you do finally speak up, it helps you tremendously to hear what others have done when they have experienced something similar to what you're going thru. Believe it or not, you are not the first to go thru the trauma from the effects of this terrible disease! It is so beneficial to hear others' stories...you don't feel so isolated and scared!
Hi Penny! I agree with Kathi on both your questions.
I'm interested in what a sponsor is too (and also what a sponsor is not!) because I'm about to become one for a person in my home group and certainly don't want to blow it, either for her or for me! I have sponsored someone before but that was a long time ago.
I know there's a brochure on sponsorship put out by the Al-Anon Conference, and I'm off to pick up two of those today--one for her and one for me, so we have something to refer to and agree on. Absolutely, a sponsor is NOT an alternative therapist, but just someone who encourages you to work the program and the steps, attend meetings, read the literature, and just generally be encouraging.
I've had different sponsors myself over time--some very short-lived, but not because there was any problem with them. Just that I needed an extra lift over some hump, or someone to help me through a Step Four inventory and then be my Step Five person to share it with. Some people have the same sponsor for years. I've had different counsellors and therapists in this way, too. It's just the way I seem to work.
About not talking in your group--there certainly is no obligation to, and in the early stages I would say listening a lot is good! You'll know yourself when you're ready to share--and it isn't always easy because our history never encouraged any real sharing! But you'll soon find out how safe and accepted you are in your group, and how powerful it can be to express your own feelings and experience in a non-judgemental environment. It's very healing!
Just want to add one thing - we were all new once, all scared and not quite sure if we should be there. Everybody understands.
Don't worry too much about what you say at a meeting - and don't worry if you start to cry. I have never seen an alanon meeting without a big box of Kleenex on the table!
