The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Small example of not taking care of ourselves. I REALLY need a shower today. LOL. I hate taking them at night cause of the wonderful effects in the morning on the hair. LOL
So this morning, I drive the A to work (sharing one car, and I have my f2f today). Get home, my one daughter hasn't gotten up. She has been waking up early and has a shower in early but if not, she takes one around 6. I try to wake her up at 6. Nadda happening. I dont' get into the shower though so she can if she wants or needs to. She gets out of bed around 6:25. No time for her, no time for me either cause I have to try to wake up my other daughter. Take the oldest to the bus, come home, other daughter is getting ready. I ask her how long. She says 10 min. I say if your going to take 15 or 20 I can take my shower. She's honest and says "I'll try to be ready in 10." Yeah, takes 20. hahah
Then I drive her to school, come home w/ 5 min to spare to get my son to his bus stop. at 8:05 (I'm officially on the clock for work at 8, lol)
Luckily I work at home and I can try to sneak one in before I got out at lunch.
Now......the moral of the story is not to have some cheese with my whine. LOL Where as in the past I'd be driving all pissed off and running around like an idiot, maybe even doing some yelling and screaming. Blah Blah Blah...look what you did to me, blah blah blah, I can't take a shower.
I said to myself, "ya know Bob, you should have just told your daughter at 6:00, if your not in by a certain time I'm going in to take mine" I could have taken care of, or at least given myself a better chance of taking care of myself. Awareness and Acceptance. Now I just gotta remember those two and try to put it into practice more often.
Just thought I'd share how stepping out of the victim and martyr role helped to start me off in a better frame of mind just for today.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Thanks for your story Bob. I know I am in the victim/martyr role alot. I can't see it at the time and don't know how to get out of it. I just love the way you take care of your kids.
Been there done that! I have pillow head too in the mornings! I read so much between the lines if your posts. You are a great partner and parent. I am so glad u r here. I work from home too and have spent many days not dressed for work!
"Just thought I'd share how stepping out of the victim and martyr role helped to start me off in a better frame of mind just for today. "
that's a nice thought for the day... I also have come around to just taking my own action & not 'waiting around to see what everyone else is going to do'... it sure is nice not be a slave to other's behaviors.
Keep workin' it, u give me so much every day!
love u, -K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Boy I can I relate to your morning's Bob. I have taken my "A" to work at some point almost everyday for the last 3 years. Thankfully he just found a job close to the house so he can walk. I know that rushed feeling of trying to get your kids ready and motivated as well as yourself. I often have melt downs in the morning, but am learning to just stay quiet and be persisitent with the kids in keeping them on tasks. Sounds like you have made great strides in taking it all in with more ease. Good for you!! Thanks for sharing your story. Have a great day, shower or no shower, right. LOL.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thanks so much for your post. It was just what I needed today. I was mad at myself for allowing some things to happen this week. But I can just brush myself off, learn from my mistake, and hop back on.
"...the moral of the story is not to have some cheese with my whine.."
"... stepping out of the victim and martyr role helped to start me off in a better frame of mind just for today."
Oh how I can relate. It was not so long ago, yesterday in fact, that I found myself in the place of playing martyr. I am amazed at how I can immediately go from having a good day to storming around the house like a tazmanian devil. Your story was a good reminder for me to step out of the role of victim (not everyone is trying to make me suffer lighten up a little I tell myself) and set my mind to taking care of myself first so that I can be a better person for me and others. That sometimes means for me that I have to get up earlier in the morning or have to cut back my to-do list and sometimes it means I give myself permission to sit down and do nothing (which I love to do)
Anyway, I am rambling now. I just wanted to thank you for your story. It's a reminder that helps to keep me sane.
What a great ability to step back Setting limits is very difficult in a dysfunctional family. The household stuff is a huge issue in our house The A hides behind his physical illness. He does very very little. Now I have set goals for me. I don't get into stuff with him in the same way. When I want something I say I need this and do not whine about it.
Thank you for an example of being able to interrupt a pattern. I certainly need them.
lighten up a little I tell myself) and set my mind to taking care of myself first so that I can be a better person for me and others. That sometimes means for me that I have to get up earlier in the morning or have to cut back my to-do list and sometimes it means I give myself permission to sit down and do nothing (which I love to do
)