I can't believe that it's almost been 2 months since I've seen my AH!!!  And now it's been 9 days since I've spoken to him.  He's still calling every morning at the same time leaving messages.  I really believe he has done some major brain damage to his brain this time.  He really seems to be living in LA LA Land, even his brother thinks so.  He sounds all normal on the phone, but the things he says are just off the wall.  People have told me that it sounds like there is something else going on with him, because what he's gotten out of AA and outpatient rehab is that leaving your family and starting a whole new life in another state is the right thing to do, the only way he can survive.  I agree that something else is going on.  It's like he's a 50 some year old having a mid life crisis.  Living the high life out there, going out to eat, renting movies, sitting by the pool, spending money, and not paying any bills, all this while his kids are on foodstamps back home.  This just burns me up.  But I just have the need to vent about it, and then try to let it go. 

I know there's nothing I can do about him anymore.  He's made his choice, he wants the single life now, to be free, with no responsibilities.  Who knows, maybe that's what he wanted all along, and maybe that's what made him drink, to hide his unhappiness at being tied down with a family.  Someday he'll look back and realize what an awesome life he gave up.  We were the picture perfect family, 3 boys, all awesome in sports, a beautiful daughter,  beautiful house, nice cars, good job, fun vacations, and he gave it all up to be single! Oh well! What can I do? 

I've got the house relisted, looking forward to the boys starting baseball, parents are going to help out financially, so that relieves a lot of stress off my back.  I've sent all his bills to him, he's paid nothing!  I've been paying all mine (I don't have many since he always put everything under his name)  So I'm just paying for my internet, phone, water, heat, and my one credit card.  That's basically it, we've got food assistance in the mean time, and hopefully I'll find another job soon!!working part time at Kohl's just aint' cuttin it.  I'll miss being a stay at home mom and always being their for the kids when they needed me, but what can I do?  We will need insurance, and I'll have to support us.  I chose to be a mom instead of going for a career, for some people this could work, but when your spouse leaves you, it can turn really bad.  So I hope that great job will come to me real soon, because I'm getting very discouraged.