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Does verbal and emotional abuse and Alcholism always go together? I can't seem to separate them and I wonder if the Alcohol is causing the abuse or if this is a separate issue?
I have a husband who drinks a lot, and it seems like when he's sober, that's really when I get the emotional & verbal abuse. I almost rather see him drunk.. at least he's easier to handle that way.. In my case, I'm not sure though, the abuse part could have been a separate issue to begin with but once he started drinking more frequently and more alcohol, that problem seemed to get MUCH WORSE..
In my case they go together. I always get the verbal and emotional abuse when he is drunk. At first I would try to defend myself - try to explain, whatever. It didn't matter what I said, it was like he didn't even hear me - just kept going on with his tirade. Now I just "take it". I sit and say nothing, which makes him just as angry. BUt it doesn't matter what I do - he will go on blaming me for all the woes in his life.
It's tiring - very tiring and even though you know it's the "disease" talking it still hurts. He used to apologize the next day - even though he didn't know what he did or said but he could tell by my actions that something happened. Now he doesn't even do that.
The sad part is that the "general public" doesn't see the verbal abuse - but I think verbal abuse hurts more than physical. I once read that it sucks the life right out of you.
Please don't give up. Keep saying to yourself that you are worthwhile and a good person. I don't know how to make you feel better because I don't know how to make myself feel better. I just keep hoping.....
i think most alkies are emotionally and verbally AND sometimes physically abusive......thats why it is so hard to live with one......and why i chose NOT to, unless the guy is in years of recovery and sober.....working the program.....i would not try again w/out the odds VERY much in my favor he is recovering and staying on the program.........hugs/ rosie
In my case, he absolutely hated me with a passion when he was drunk, unless we were at a party at a friends house together, then he'd be okay, but once he got past a certain point, he just despised me and wanted to get away from me.
But then after he come down off his drunken binges, he'd want to hold me, and love me and want me to hold him and beg for forgiveness.
Then when he was sober, we'd be the best of friends.
I agree. Sober, my A is not angry or abusive in any way. He is the kindest person you can meet. Nowadays he forgets next day most of what he did or said the day before.
new to site but I found your question hit home to me very much. I also have been told that the truth comes out when someone is drunk? However when they are different when they drink like loving and complimentary etc and then another time verbally abusive I now look back and try to see what the "triggers" might have been?
I also live with my daughter who doesn't and hasn't drank or done drugs since she did a little as a teenager she is now 40 and believe me she is worse than any alcoholic or dope addict I know, at least worst than my recent ex- so I don't have the answers but I think that they cannot talk about their feelings of hurt from our words and actions, may be inferiority complex, feelings of inadequecy etc but just can't articulate them so they strike out with verbal abuse, I only know that my ex said a few things in the last few conversations we had when seemed to be not drinking or high that would have been daid and talked about earlier in relationship he just wasn't one to share feelings it was like he spoke in code and I had to read between the lines or quess. Now for me, I am trying to look back and see what may have happened to account for the verbally abusive times and they very only verbal, sometimes just a sentence ot two but very, very hurtful. I know couple times he said he told me what he thought I wanted to hear???? so I can better understand that I don't know maybe if I had handled it different instead of getting hurt and angry and shut off I may have learned or heard something important. Its late, hope some of this makes sense.
Much like Donna's A, my A is almost better when he is drunk. He has a tendency to not be very nice sometimes when he is sober, but he is the most loving and caring person when he is drunk. He says and does the sweetest things, but of course he doesn't mean the things he says. He once asked me to marry him while he was drunk and when I said something about it a few days later he told me that he didn't mean it and it was just drunk talk. That really hurt.
