The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This looks like a place where I need to be. Nobody seems to understand me and why I refuse to give up on my alcoholic husband. We have been together for 15 years and have to sons. Our younger son is only 4 weeks old and our oldest is 13. Our 13 year old knows his dad is an alcoholic, but their like best friends. I think it's sad. He's has not been home for 2 nights. He's at his brothers. He's been drunk since last friday. He can go the most a week without a drink then he'll stay drunk for 3 days or so. He does make it to work everyday and takes care of me and the kids. I have to admit it's wearing me out. I feel alone most of the time. When I look at him when he's drinking I feel so sorry for him. Is this normal? To me it is.Underneath it all he's a good guy, loving, careing, and he's always been there for me. I love him today just as much as I did 15 years ago, but the drinking has got to stop. I know he'll be home tomorow and I plan on telling him this and i'm scared. I'm scared of leting him know that he's got to stop and even more scared when he does. I dont know how to handle him sober. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks for listening.
Bundle up that new baby and find an Al-Anon meeting quick . there is nothing u can do about him but alot ucan do for yourself. Your worth the effort. Louise
is entitled "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews.... Don't let the name fool ya, but the book taught me soooo much about alcoholism, and life with an alcoholic.... You should be able to find it at bookstores, or online...
Good luck, and welcome here...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I understand what you're going through. I've been with my husband for 18 years. We have two children together, 17 & 13 and he has a daughter from previous marriage. I get so frustrated, feel so alone, get so angry. Just yesterday I asked him what it is that I do, what it is the kids do, to warrant him finding happiness in a bottle. He told me I was crazy for thinking that way. I told him that these thoughts were MY reality of his disease. He went through treatment a little over two years ago and just started drinking again. He thinks it's ok because it's not Windsor, it's just beer. But I know that I won't walk away from our marriage. I grew up in a divorced home and hated it. On top of that, my husband is very unhealthy outside of the alcoholism. He won't be around much longer, or so they doctors think. But sometimes I think the booze has pickled everything inside of him and he'll outlive me. I pray, and pray some more. I had to finally come to grips with the fact that I really NEED to let go and trust that God will work in my husband. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. That there are people out here that totally understand what you're going through. I'm just figuring out that myself and I'm so very thankful that I found this web site. I'm here if you ever want to talk.....
We are all here because we love an alcoholic - it's OK to love them, the trick is to keep their disease from taking over our lives.
Asking him to stop may not work - if it was that easy he would have stopped already =- he sees what it is doing to you. Most A's don't feel they have a choice - they cannot imagine a life without alcohol. It is only when life with drinking becomes so bad that they are willing to do anything to stop that they can get better.
However, YOU can start getting better this minute. You do not have to be dragged down into that pit with him. Do some reading about our program, here and in alanon literature, and see if there are any changes that we talk about that you think you could try in your own life. Even the tiniest steps can start things getting better, for you.
. I know he'll be home tomorow and I plan on telling him this and i'm scared. I'm scared of leting him know that he's got to stop and even more scared when he does. I dont know how to handle him sober. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks for listening.
First off Laura....Welcome! You are right this is a great place for you to be.
Getting as much literature and info on alcoholism/addiction would be a good thing to do so you can better understand what your husband is suffering from. Also the Big Book of AA is great.
We have all felt that it is way past time that our loved ones stop abusing their drug of choice.....problem is.....no changes will occur until THEY feel it's time for them to stop. So while in your mind once you tell him that he needs to stop he is going to be able to, it would be best if you prepare yourself for that not to happen. More often than not, an addicted person doesn't even realize they are addicted until they attempt to stop using and find they can't.
During this time it's important for you to take care of yourself. This group, face to face Al Anon meetings, working your own program of recovery....these are all things that will help you very much.
Glad you're here.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
