The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate secrets. I don't like lying. When I was growing up I was told by my mother to lie. I lied to my teachers, I lied to my grandmother. I learned to lie a lot. It was very easy.
Little kids are not emotionally mature enough to know about lying. There is a difference betweem lying about a surprise birthday party and lying about something important. When you're a kid, you respect your parents and what they tell you. You are defenseless.
Then when I got older and moved out of the house, I lied to my mother about things. She thought I was just awful.
When I would go out on dates, I would spill everything like it was a confessional. I just read in a book that sharing too much too soon indicates a lack of boundaries. Makes sense. It felt good to tell stuff to someone. Someone I knew was interested and liked me.
Recently, I have become brutally honest about everything. It has felt good, but sometimes it backfires. Part of my job involves sales, and I need to withhold some information. I really dislike salespeople. Most of them lie.
Sometimes it just feels better to let people know what is going on and how we feel. Looks like that what you just did. Good for you!!!!! I find that when things are tough and I come here I can write how I feel and I am totally accepted just the way I am. Be gentle with yourself.
Brutally honest to me means (with self) you work with the public so there is a fine line you can't cross. Honesty with self is rewarding but can be deadly with others, we learn to pick and choose who we share ourselves with.
I have found several people in al anon who know more about me than I do and I trust them to be honest with me , let me know when I am being a " B " or reasure me I am on the right track.
Honesty is a good thing in the right place with the right people. Louise
I agree there is a fine line when you work with the public.
When I started Al Anon and began learning about dysfunction and I was learning new boundaries, I went to the extreme with my honesty.
Now, I am swinging back the other way to make things more balanced.
I am finding myself trying out lots of new ideas. Last Christmas I hardly spent any money on presents, and paid off my credit card instead. To me, that was a pretty drastic form of "taking care of me." In years before, I would not pay bills, and get into trouble so that I could overdo it and buy presents for countless people.
Now I have learned that I can take care of myself in a balanced way. It feels good.
I always tell too much to soon andI also have trouble with boundaries...lol I really do not like sales people either. Even though I am one. I exaggerate at times but not for sales. Usually just for a laugh.
I can see you dilemma. I can really understand the longing. I think I was desperately deprived as a child and carry that with me too. I think it takes tremendous courage to look at these boundary issues too.
