Good Morning Everyone,

Just wanted to say thanks again to those who posted some ESH on my last Friday post.  I did take the kids to my mom's.  Funny that his house guests did not show up.  Of course he was angry with me when I arrived home and started packing; which I don't get because he suggested I go away for the weekend.  He calls his friends and tells them I won't be there, and his friends now think I don't like them because that is what he told them.  It's frustrating because it had nothing to do with them. I just did not want to entertain and get into an argument with my "a" because he makes poor choices when his friends are around.  I finally realized that his friends know a different side to him, they don't live with him 24/7, they don't have to be affected by his poor choices like we do in the house.  So, I explained to my "a" that I was leaving not to "run away" as he put it, but avoiding a potentially nasty and embarrassing situation.  He asked for six dollars to take the bus to his DUI class that was scheduled the next morning. 

Well, suprise suprise, he didn't make the DUI class the next morning, he said he got the times confused with the next week's class and showed up at 12 instead of 8.  I really don't know what to believe because he lies constantly.  I do know that he had his friends over Friday night, and could have possibly drank and stayed up too late.  I find it hard to believe that someone could wait 8 years to get the chance to get their license back and then blow it by missing the class.  We only talked about it for two weeks, even my brother who does not live with us knew the class started at 8:15 am.  To me it was just another example of how he is unable to manage his life due to his drinking and behavior.  I realized this weekend that it really is "all about him".  As long as his needs are met he does not care about my needs or the kids.  I realized that when he got this new job instead of talking about how he was going to contribute to helping us get out of debt, he decides he wants to split the bank accounts and pay only what is absolutely necessary to the house so he can have the freedom to spend his money on what ever he wants.  He's not interested in being a partner or a good role model for his children.  It saddened me terribly because this is not the example I want to set for my kids, and if I'm going to be successful in my life I can't have this bonehead attached to me.  It just won't work.

I managed to keep my comments and feelings to myself when I arrived home, no use in causing any more turmoil, I have been cordial but not engaging in any conversation other than what I have to, interestingly so has he.  He's not been affectionate or talkative.  I have begun to look at Family Law programs in my area to obtain a referral for a lawyer I can afford.  I decided that giving him a chance to deal with this like a mature adult is just asking for more trouble.  I'm not messing around with that.  I will be fair, but I will ask the courts for supervised visitation and no overnights.  Unless he gets into a program and stays sober consistently he poses a risk to my children.  At this point I'm just waiting for the right time to make the changes.  I plan on giving him at least 30 days to save money and move out, if he can't do that, I may be able to take legal action since I own the condo and he's not on the deed.  We have some good programs that will be able to help me with the legal advise.  I hate for it to come to this, but I understand now that I'm dealing with someone who is irrational in his thinking and decision making, if I don't handle this under legal counsel my fear is that he will prolong this and just remain a thorn in my side.  I'm sad about it and guess I just need support.  My mom and rest of family mean well, but they tend to get wrapped up in all this and want to tell me how to do it.  I ask when I need help and just listen to the rest.  I'm glad I have this site to come to when I need support or gather information about alternatives to my problem.  Have a great day.

Twinmom~