The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to all of you for your wonderful caring and sharing your own personal stories. I look forward to reading them daily. Okay, remember, he's the one who told me over the phone that he wanted a divorce, he didn't want to come back home, he didn't want me to fly out to see him, he told me at various points to go on with my life, that he needs to start a new life, that he can't be married to me, blah blah blah. All this started only a week into his outpatient treatment. I finally became so upset over the way he'd talk to me on the phone, the coldness, the detachment, him thinking I could just shut off my feelings and be like him and be like "Okay! it was nice knowing you! Maybe I'll see you again some day! Thanks for the 16 years, let's just be friends now!" Anyway, to make a long story short, I've decided it was best for me to not answer his phone calls anymore, to not text him, call him or anything. It would upset me so much to talk to him, I just couldn't do it anymore. It's been an entire week now that I have spoken to him. I feel better, I don't cry, I'm taking care of myself and putting my focus back on our kids. (especially the teenager!!) Well, he's gotten to the point to where he'll call every single morning at the same time, I guess thinking i'm just sitting around the house waiting for his calls. He goes from yelling into the answering machine, to begging me to answer or text or something. He called the police yesterday and sent them to my house to check on me! At 9:00 in the morning! How does he know I didn't find a job, or was out?! It's ridiculous. He could have called his bro who lives 16 blocks north of me to call or check on us, but no, he calls the police! Last night he calls and screams profanities into the answering machine saying how typical this is of me, blah blah blah, answer the F'in phone! Then he says "I'm never ever calling there again!!!" I was like Thank God!! Then what do you know, the next morning, he calls again, this time all upset, "Dear God, please just answer the phone, please!" I don't need this, I'm not falling into his little control thing, or whatever it is he's doing. He asked for this, he TOLD me to move on! Is this a game or what? He has plenty of ways of knowing that we're all still alive without having to talk to me. If you ask me, when he said he wanted a divorce, he lost the right to know what i'm or we're doing every single day. Am I doing the right thing here, taking care of ME, which is what we're supposed to do?!?!? It's just best for me to not have speak with him at all now. Because I can't handle getting upset talking to him anymore, it just always ends up going in circles. Sorry I always end up having to write to much. Thanks again, Shanda
Hello shanda , yur husband is in what I lovingly call " stark raving sober" change thier m ind every half hr. He dosen't have a clue what is going on with him and is probably scared shittless. which dosent give him the right to upset you.
A's are told to not make any life changing decissions for at least a yr , most don't listen. Your on the right track keep the focus on yourself and your childrens needs. I hope you are attending al anon meetings for yourself and perhaps can convince your teen to try alateen too.
This is a very selfish disease and it affects everyone in the family. Don't give up hope . It's not over til its over. Wether u get back to gether or not u will have to deal with him for the rest of your life you have children together. and he will continue to be a part of thier lives. so please find meetings. 1-888-4alanon is the toll free international number for meetings in your area. I hope u get to one asp. for your sake . Louise
One thing I would do here is to examine my motives for not answering. If you are doing it in order to help yourself, because speaking to him is not good for you right now, then that is one thing. If you are doing it, at least in part, to punish him, then that is something else. In that case, you may find, after reflection, that you owe him an explanation of what you are doing.
As long as you keep the focus on you, keep your own best interests and those of your kids a top priority, and keep your own side of the street clean, you can't go wrong. We're all rooting for you.
Hi, I was going to say, if I were you, call the phone co. and see if you have call block.
I just call *60. It will tell ya what to do. ya just do 01 then the number then 01 again. Then stay on the phone until it tell ya how to turn the block on. for me I just push 3.
This way ya really let go.
Your A is very sick. It is up to him to choose how he wants to live. Right now he has no idea. I was glad to read you are letting him go. Does not mean it is forever, you sound healthy and not into enabling him.
I know for me, I stopped analyzing the A. Insanity is impossible to figure out. I did not want to waste my time on it. Now i just accept him as is.
You are doing the right thing by taking care of you and the kids. There is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't answer the phone or talk to him either. There is no point getting that upset. Your kids need you! Anyway, it sounds like he's got some SERIOUS insecurity problems. He wants you to sit around crying for him and waiting by the phone. The guy is messed up and you have every right to not talk to him. Don't fall into his little game. Alcoholics are masters at playing games and they want everyone else enmeshed into their games. Keep focusing on you and your kids. He doesn't deserve your attention, your tears, or anything else from you. Good luck.
