The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today my husband will be home from rehab. Not sure how to feel about it, he has been gone about two months...took him awhile to go to detox after I threw him out. Kids really want him to come home. I am not sure at all how to react to the situation. I am still angry, hurt, disappointed and just down right p'd. Realizing that it is one day at a time for everyone is not making things easier right now. He has done so much damage to our family, as i sit here I wander will we ever be a family again? I also wander do I still love him. I know time will heal, and time will also tell. I have laid down my boundries, am going to do my very best to stick to each and everyone no matter how small. I know that only I can take control over my own life. Getting there however is another thing. This is just such a difficult day. Have also been dealing with a sick daughter, bills and just basically everything on my own. Not suppose to be this way in a marriage suppose to share all these things. Then of course, one thing I have been missing is my marriage. Haven't really had one in a while, he has been married to the world of addiction. While I have just been left standing there on my own. Not that I mind standing on my own, but if that is the case then let me be on my own....So I am going to take some classes and do some medical transcription from home and get my life back on track. And I am hpoeful that with my life back on track the kids will follow behind me. As for him that is all on him he can either move ahead with us or just stay behind on his owm. I am taking no more crap, no more getting so wrapped up in his addiction. I must be self-sufficent and live in the world that I love and live to the fullest. I can not do this living in his world, which I make my world, of addiction. It is just too much work.
So that is my plan, by the grace of God and help from fellow alanoners I will succeed.
I know how hard it is when they come home. There are so many questions, and uncertainties. I wish you luck and peace!! Unfortunately we never know exactly where things are going and how lonf it will take us to get there. I was telling a friend of mine today--I just don't do well with the unknown--if I just knew it was going to be o.k. or wasn't going to be o.k. at least I would have a definite to work with--if I could just see the end. But unfortunately we can't.
I hope you and your husband are able to work things out. I hope you fall back in love with your husband. I hope that he really works his program for you and for himself! But most of all I hope that no matter what you find the peace to deal with each day! It sounds like you have some good plans for your future. Good luck in sticking with your boundaries.
Andrea: I think that is a great insight that your husband has been married to his addiction. I am glad that you have been able to lean on the program during these weeks.
I have had my own issues which I felt abandoned by the a about. I can relate to your position very very much. There are some days I have nothing to say to him. Now those days do not weigh on me in the same way. I am able to detach better.
I think the best thing for this first little while is to have no expectations. He will be very fragile, if my husband's experience is anything to go by. In his first few days back he talked such a good game - he was so open and honest, I thought "Oh, here it finally is, what I have been waiting for all these years!" So I jumped in with both feet "Finally I can talk to you like an adult human being - here's how *I* feel...." Well, it was too much too soon for him, scared him bad. I thought that once he stopped drinking, all our problems would be solved - wrong! However, if he can keep sober, life does get a lot better. Easy does it, one day at a time, go by actions not words, - but give him a chance....he is doing something very hard and has to find out who he is without his addiction. If you can cut him some slack without doing damage to your own needs, you won't regret it.
