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Today is one of those days when I think I just hate my A husband. Well, hate is a strong word....let's say really, really, really don't like right now.
He is sticking his nose into where it doesn't belong.
He has almost a year of recovery under his belt (very grateful for it) and is behaving (at times....MANY times) like he is the program nazi /guru and if it's not done his way it just isn't the right way. I am excited about beginning MY OWN recovery and he is not my sponsor nor do I need his criticisms regarding my approach to MY OWN recovery. I don't like his interference. It is not done in a kind way. It is laced with snide remarks and it's beginning to p--s me off. Today just happened to be one of those days.
Ok, to look at his side of it there is a slight resemblence to the way it used to be when he was popping pills and I was telling HIM what he should/should not be doing!!!
I am thankful he is recovering, but what do you do when they begin to interfere in your own program?
but what do you do when they begin to interfere in your own program?
rosie_______i would set IMMEDIATE and clear boundaries.......give him the slogan "live and let live" and how about "keep the focus on me".....i would just tell him, MIND UR OWN RECOVERY!!!!! and leave it at that......remove myself when he starts in with the snide remarks....refuse to be a part of the dialoge when it is interfering with my recovery.......when i was in my first year of recovery from coda and acoa, and alanon, i was a "know it all" too, i thought i was "getting it" and would be soon "graduating" well my "crashes" proved to me that it is PROGRESS never completion.....and that the more humble i am , the more reachable and teachable i am........i would just work my program the way that works for me and let him do his program what works for him...........peace/ rosie
I have found, I started my recovery before my A, that when I slip and point out his faults that I then stop and say to him, "it's not my job to take your personal inventory, it's my job to take my own inventory, I'm sorry for doing that" maybe since your A is in recovery, you might want to just mention that you are doing the best you can taking your inventory, you are a work in progress and your working on being gentle with yourself. It all takes time. Hang in there.
My A isn't in recovery, but I'll never forget how my Sponsor said she got up one morning and her A husband had stuck a peice of paper on HER bathroom mirror which said "The only thing I can change and...I'm looking at it" LOL I don't know if this is all recovering A's or not, I was glad she shared this with me because at least if my A ever does find recovery than I'll know this type of thing is normal () Whatever normal is lol.
sas, I agree with rose. An immediate boundary to not discuss your recovery with him. I made the mistake of telling my A couple things about Alanon. Now, if I get PO'd about something he says "You aren't supposed to talk that way to me are you"? Although it's a good reminder, I sure don't need it coming from him of all people.
Your husband can't recover for you, so it's best he butt out. Use your tools.. "blind him with butt" (walk away Don't attend the fight What he thinks of you is none of your business.
Maybe tell him you will only discuss your recovery with you sponsor .
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
