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I am walking around the house - like a nut - of course everyone else is sitting on their butts not doing a dang thing. And I have to ask myself - "What am I so pissed about - exactly??" OK it isn't that they aren't doing anything cause I could get them involved one way or another if I really wanted too. I am ticked because they aren't volunarily breaking their backs like I am to get things packed! How can I continue to keep doing the same things and keep getting angry at the results - UGH! So now that means I either have to change my behavior....or accept theirs....dang I hate this program sometimes!!!! lol
K - time for a reality check. When I have asked for help I have gotten some - not as much as I'd like -but some. If I keep asking for help - I would keep getting it - though there would be attitude attached to it (15 yr old). So I either have to quit complaining about them complaining or just do it myself and not be angry at them.....hmmmm. So what am I going to choose?? That might take a few more minutes.
I only really get like this when I am under too much stress - which in hindsight I did to myself AGAIN! Dang it I need to quit doing the same thing and expecting different results...hey wait I already said that!!
There is a way that I can be happy...I just need to choose it!!
When I get in that place where I resent others because they are not working as hard as I am (martyr martyr martyr) my sponsor reminds me that I have the choice to just sit on my butt too....
I think you are doing great in the awareness department and it is nice to see recovery approached with such a good sense of humor!
Dangit!!! Don't ya just hate when people don't conform??!! LOL
You're doing great hon.. :) As far as the kids go, (it helps with mine anyway) if I break things down and give small assignments. Packing up a room can be overwhelming. Maybe just a bookshelf or a closet at a time may work. :)
I'm an over achiever too when it comes to "Git-er-done". I know your frustration..lol But it's why I know how to change out a faucet, lay tile, hook up gas dryers, change guts in the toilet etc. etc...
Those darn "shoulds" knaw at me too. "You should not be sitting on your a$$ while I'm busting mine". But then busting mine is my choice so I can Git-er-done...lol
Love ya Christy (Cjo)
-- Edited by Christy at 13:11, 2006-01-29
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I know it's hard. And it seems impossible to sit on your but if they aren't moving theirs, because there is a deadline to be out of the house.
I've gotten to the point w/ my kids that I'll tell them what needs to be done. I'll try to prioritize what needs to be done. I can't get to it all, and when I'm getting less help, doing extra things they want are the first things I drop from my list. Not to be punitive, but because I can't do it all.
I liked Cujo's idea break it up. But you know what? If their favorite CD's or their Playstation doesn't get packed. They'll be running around frantically at the last minute themselves to pack it. If it breaks because of that, I'm not running out to get a new one. It's kinda a hard assed approach and I'm not practicing it perfectly, but it helps me not run around scream at them to get it done. It allows them to suffer the real world natural consequences of their actions. I still mope around the house sometimes in martyr mode, but not as often, and I'm not as big an ahole about it when I do.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
when i am having feelings i don't like/ can't really get a handle on i ask myself the "halt"...am i hungry...angry.....lonely...tired........and i be honest with me/ my hp, and usually it is one of those things OR i have old feelings comming up and i need to allow them and deal with them, release them so i can move on from that old trigger/hurt..............take what works, leave the rest/ rosie
I had to smile at your post. I'm sure at the time you were ticked, but it was so real like the conversations we have with ourselves. I have four sons, when we moved from 1800 sq. ft. to a small mobile, in 2001, all four still lived at home. After about 3 weeks or so, of telling them that they needed to pick up after themselves, I raised my voice and said "I AM SO TIRED OF B*****ING AT YOU GUYS" my 3rd son, who is my comic relief said "WE TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOU B****" Well, instead of getting mad I had to laugh, he had said it in the same tone as I had said my gripe, so we sat down and came up with pretty standard rules.....
It is so hard expecially with teenagers. I remember early on in my marriage, my husband would say well they should do this or do that.....why are there always dirty dishes, or can't they put the remote back on "my" table. LOL I flat out told my A, if you want everything the way you left it you need to live by yourself, you are sharing a home with a wife, 4 sons, a room mate, and your son every other weekend.
I think if you honestly want help and ask for it you will get it, my boys have always been good about it, when they have an attitude I just don't react.....(kind of like dealing with the A) Hang in there and thanks for making me smile.
Cyndee: I internalized a lot of criticism from my family of origin. I was the scapegoat. These days I am more willing to do my best and let it go. I also live with a chronic procrastinator. He is "there"for everyone else but never does much around the house. I set goals and try to keep to them. I also set a lot of limits around what I will and won't accept. I cut back too. I am no longer the people pleaser I once was. Do you have support. Do you ask. I ask the A to do things. Some of them he does. I set small goals and see how that goes.
I think it is very hard to give up the criticism and the martyrdom. I feel better since I became more aware of it.
