Hi.  I am new here.  I am thinking about going to Al-Anon.  I have never been before.  My father was an alcoholic, but he quit before I was born.  The thing that is giving me trouble though is my boyfriend.  I have been with him for almost four years and I love him more than anything.  He is an alcoholic.  His mother is a recovering alcoholic.  Over the years, I always thought that if there was one thing which would break us up, it would be his drinking. 

He has what he calls cycles.  In the beginning, he is fine and can just drink a glass or two of wine and be totally pleasant.  But as the days and weeks go on he drinks more and more and gets meaner and meaner when drunk.  He picks fights and if we are out somewhere he sometimes gets violent.  Not with me, but he has broken a car window and a door. 

Two weeks ago, he quit drinking.  His father insisted, (he lives with his dad.  He is 31.)   but I don't think he really would have stopped if some part of him didn't want to.

The problem is this:  since he has stopped drinking, he has become exactly like he is when he drinks too much!  He is sullen and cranky and yells all the time.  He is experiencing terrible depression.  He cut up his arms with a blade (something I have never known him to do before).  I don't know what to do.  I am miserable but I don't want to leave him because I love him.  How long is this going to last?  What can I do to preserve my sanity?  I am crying every day and I am exhausted.  I am the only one he really talks to about this.  He won't go to AA because he has major problems with it. 

I just feel like there is no one I can tell and that even if I did, no one would understand.  I feel so completely alone.