The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That pretty much sums up my life. INSANITY .. !!! I keep hoping that my marriage will improve that things will get better.. But they dont.. The merry go round keeps going and I just continue to ride.. Why ?? What am I so afraid of ? Why do I let someone belittle me and treat me so badly ? Am I that insecure? Am I that low ? I question myself over and over again and have no answer.. Anyone have any advise ?
Sometimes I wonder the same thing. Things are going so well for us right now---that I am looking back and thinking I must have been crazy then.
You know, we still see the good things too. They are not always drunk. After the drunken episodes there is sincere remorse and we do love them and want to believe they will stop and recover.
Am I making any sense?
I really believe that we know when enough is enough.
I knew when enough was enough and I filed divorce. I got power of attorneys making me in full control of our properties. I sold our rental property and have the money in an account that he doesn't know exists. He is now sober over 3 months and the person I fell in love with. I had no hope that this would ever happen. He is truly a different person. He is supporting us financially. One of my fears was that I would divorce him and he would recover and we wouldn't be together. My point is that they can recover or maybe they won't. We can take control of our lives and be happy either way.
I've followed your posts and you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for your posting.....I am also married to an alcoholic who may or may not be using....I am living with him..he does not work, has a lawsuit against him we are sinking in debt and I am not able to spend money like I used to. I want to divorce but we have a 7 year old who I want to grow up with a dad ( I didn't mine died from alcoholism) God gave me some tools to possibly get out of this relationship....we have rental property as well........I am so depressed I am still in it How do I get willing to make a move.......
Not sure about you but I was reusing previous coping skills. Dysfunctional but coping non the less. They allowed me to at least survive in the past, so they were hard has heck to give up. They still are.
If you are seeing the insanity, your making the first steps in being able to change them. Becoming aware that your behavior is insane is the first of the 3 A's. :)
As for insanity? See my signature w/ cartoon. LOL
Glad your hear.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I don't think it is insane to love an A. I fell in love with someone who is still in there somewhere.
Before I met the A I certainly had my own issues. He definitely complicated my life but he also added to it in many ways.
I think boundaries can be a real chore for many of us. I am glad to be at a place where I can concentrate on them. They can be very complicated especially when boundaries have to be flexible. I don't think having rigid boundaries necessarily works for me.
I also don't think it helps my self esteem to try to beat myself up or pull myself up by the bootstraps. Some of the items I have got a lot out of from alanon in treating myself well, putting me into the picture and understanding how I can be engaged and still like someone who has treated me badly. I can learn to love him from a distance over time. Disengaging is not something you do necessarily overnight. For some of us it takes a while. Anyone dealing with an active A would be disheartened, saddened and frustrated. Personally I need a lot of tools to deal with it as well as my own issues which were certainly there before the A came along.
I hope you can focus on taking care of you, be gentle with yourself, you need taking care of too. What is it that you need to do today to feel better besides take radical actions towards the A. What support do you need, do you have it. Do you have people you check in with daily who care about you. I think that is so so important to have and to create.
