The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is newly sober and I am new to Al-anon (about 5 mos) - I recently found out my husband has made friends w/a female in AA, but he didn't tell me, actually lied to me about it whenever I'd ask because he didn't want me to "think" anything - so I found out by snooping the phone bill. In any event, he promises she's just a friend and I believe him but I'm angry and so jealous because she relates to him and they share things in common (like hobbies, etc.) My mind is going crazy and it's so very hard for me to except. And, I keep getting this pain in the pitt of my stomach that makes me wonder if they're having an affair (woman's intuition?) or i'm just crazy! - I just don't like being in this place - I have male friends and it's never been an issue. HELP!
Lily: I have found myself being very jealous around the A's friends who I have often felt he valued far more than I do.
The issue for me is often one of honesty. My A lies a lot. He lies about the bills. He will say stuff is paid and it isn't. Then he says why make an issue. Well why lie?
Everything is always thrown back on me. I think the fact A's lie is an issue. It is hard one to deal with. I think it drives me nuts dealing with someone who slides the truth around a lot.
At the same time I am responsible for my emotions and how I deal with them. Feeling insecure, jealous and fearful is difficult to deal with.
I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and coming here to look at your issues. I know the A's friend issue really caused me great great distress. In some ways the A got a lot out of my over reaction, the focus was on him. For some reason he wants a lot of focus on him and his activities. Now I am more detached I note that he is bothered by it and does stuff to get my attention.
I think As are very very difficult to live with whether they are in recovery or not.
I am glad that you are leaning on the group for support. You deserve it.
