The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just checking in. im tired...just tired. work is becoming a right bore.... same s**t different day... texts from the ex... as usual... last nights one a little different to all the others...
i usually get the loving ones..telling me he will always love me..he understands that i cant cope with his lifestyle so he was letting me alone... except his way of doing this was contiually ringing and texting me... i didnt answer until last night when i flipped...told him to F**k off and leave me alone... to which i got the response "i have grown to hate you so much lately...i am going to make it my business to screw all around me now...F**k you"
...life is a rollercoaster...jeez.. i had to emotional switch off or i wouldnt have been able to function at all all day.
i have never loved someone sooo much as i do him. but it's impossible to be with him...i cant cope with his lifestyle... i know it prob was the drink and the pills talking but it still hurt..which was its intention!
on a positive note..i booked a weekend break with my college girlfriends who i havent seen in ages for the end of february... its my birthday 2 days after Valentines... so i will need cheering up...
i would never have imagined falling in love with an alcoholic and a drug addict.... but as the saying goes... "you cant help who you fall in love with"...
i do pray for him... to be happy and healthy... and enjoy his life...im just saddened that it cannot be with me!.
hope all is well with everyone.... im taking one day at a time.
Big hug (((((((((((Rebecca)))))))))) hang in there and keep coming back! Your weekend break sounds like it's going to be marvelous fun!! Girlfriends are the best, they love you through all of life's changes!! Have a great time!!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I am glad that you are allowing yourself to grieve. I am also glad that you are planning good thiings for yourself especially around your birthday. How great you can use this group as a way of posting your feelings and that you allow yourself to have them. My own fantasies about certain relationships are not something I share much. So much of my relationship with the A is an exercise in managing a lot of frustration, rage, anger, grief, confusion and more. I forget at one time there was tremendous hope, joy and wishing for better.
I lived a long time on that kind of false hope. Now I base my dreams on reality. I like the A yes but living with him is such a difficult option long term I do not think it is realizable as the frustration is immense. I am glad that you have limits and can honor them.
