I got this message from a friend today and it carried a valuable Al-Anon meaning for me. I decided to post it in case it might be valuable to others too...

**please note in advance that this is not conference approved if that is a problem for you**

“The only way to change others is to change yourself”

Sometimes you think that if only your boss would be more thoughtful and finally recognize your contribution, then your job would be all right.  Or if that coworker would stop trying to take credit for everything, and if that manager would stop acting so bossy and arrogant, and if the person working for you were only more competent, then this job would be tolerable.  And the same thing with your family.  If only they did not have all these irritating habits and eccentricities, then it might be possible to get through Sunday dinner in peace.  And if only your spouse could just understand the kind of love and support you so badly need, instead of being so demanding or cold, then life would be tolerable.  And as for love relationships in the bud, if only this person would just love you and pay the kind of attention to you that you need and deserve, then perhaps it could work out.

Cease all of this.  Cease the criticism and judgment.  All of it is based on neediness.  All of it is based on the fear of not being loved and not being acknowledged as worthwhile.

And why do they have such irritating ways, why are they ignoring your needs and focusing on their own?  Because they are just the same as you are.  They are full of doubt that they are not truly worthwhile.  They are full of fear that they will fail in their endeavors and lose the love they need.  They are simply people who are doing exactly what you are doing, trying to get what they need and being upset and fearful because they are surrounded by other people who are doing the same.

You can break this cycle.  You can break it by simply letting it go.  First, give to yourself the love and approval which you need.  Give yourself the deep love you are hungry for.  Give yourself the true connection with all of the love, caring and support which is there for you, through daily meditation and lifting your energy levels up into higher levels of consciousness.

And you can also break this cycle by lifting yourself up to connect with people on their higher level, even if they are not aware that they have one.  Lift up and reach out to connect with them.  Ask what they are afraid of, what they want.  And when the answers come to you, allow that to drive your relationships and communication, rather than lashing out in irritation and annoyance to unimportant tics and characteristics.

The best and only way to change others is to change yourself, to allow them to be and to connect with them on another plane.  You will be amazed at how differently they will respond to you if you will focus on giving them what they need and want, instead of trying to use them as a means to get what you need and want.

Here is a little prayer for today

Today, I honor everyone else, just as they are.  I allow them to be.  I reach up and connect with their highest selves, seeking to learn what it is they truly want and need from me.

I give myself what I need and want, through connection with all of the love and support which is there for me always and ever, surrounding me and filling me with love.  I give myself everything I need.

I am love, peace and acceptance of others.  I am full and complete exactly as I am.