The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am confused...to say the least. When he left last May, I figured he would be home in a few days...or at most a few weeks, as before...but months went by. Then last summer after I told him I wanted to go visit my family...(2000 miles away...as I have done every year) with the kids for a month...he filed for divorce...something I do not want. I have been working my program...and doing pretty well I might add...he sank to his bottom. But we tried to keep it civil...and I now see my part. Since Christmas we have been spending more time together...at times its been nice. He has been going to meetings,doing his community service, and facing the mess he created after he walked out. He has also found a Dr. that is actually addressing his physical problems...a ruptured disc, severe bone scaring, to name a few...and has been informed of his drug use. A DR. who gives a damn....what a novel idea. So now he wants to come home.........an idea that scares me....but its also what I want...or do I. He has his own appartment, furniture...leased til...? June?...in his mothers name...you can imagine the situation it would create if he moved out..... I dont want to go thru this any longer than necessary....we are supposed to go to court on the divorce in ....?march?.....If we stop the divorce....It will cost $$$$$....I dont have.....if it goes thru thats the end...if it is put on hold...it will loom over us...if we try and fail...it will tear the kids up... they are already dealing with enough shuffling around. I want to be whole as a family...as a couple...and whole alone (I'm getting there with Alanon )...but I am scared of the uncertainty, but still hopeful...its in my HP's hands....I will continue to wait for a sign.
No one can tell you what us in your heart but you.
You say your husband is attending meetings, but you didn't say if he was still using. Only you can decide what you can and can't live with.
Even divorce is not final, yet it seems so. If you still love each other and want to be together, then you have to both decide if you want to give it a shot. I let my husband come home after 4 months gone. He was attending a program, but still drinking, but a family emergency made us rethink out situation. Right or wrong we decided to try again. To boht of us 20 years is a lot of years to throw away. He has changed some. but more importantly I have changed. I don't know what the future holds, but I love him and don't regret my decision.
You have to do what feels right to you. Follow your heart.
I understand how you are feeling. I've been there and back and back again. It's so dern confusing. Who can figure??? I don't know what will ultimately happen in my situation and it's scary. I have been watching the signs now. At least I can see them. I have been praying a lot. Not my will by HP's will. In many ways being separate is a little easier and then in many ways it's hard too cause you learn to be so independent.
Keep posting and coming
Love ya Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Silver, I think I have been around you since day one. You worked a hard 90 in 90 meeting plan. Please take your time in what ever decision you make. I will be right there bside you with oatmeal raisin cookies.
Please don't let the money have any influence on your decision. That part will work out no matter what. You think of you and those kids.
Hugs, josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Hi, I sure relate to you. My A has moved back then out and back then out on and on. I am thankful that I don't have kids. You are are so right about it being hard on them.
I know for me, I don't try, I do. The trouble is my A will just leave. I just plan to get thru stuff and he runs.
One thing for sure, trust your own intuition. You said:
who gives a damn....what a novel idea. So now he wants to come home.........an idea that scares me....but its also what I want...or do I.
At the very start I saw you say you were confused. I see you have answered your own question. You are confused, you are not sure of what you want yet. That is your answer.
When people say I don't know what to do. Well they don't, so don't do anything. For me, I want to be sure of something before i do it.
I ask myself, what would make it different this time? How can I make sure it does not go right back into the same old cycle?
I guess, sadly, part of letting go of an A is lotsa trial runs. Sure was for me. This last time was finally it. Cut me to the core.
anyhooooo lady listen to your heart and your head. When they agree.......
I sure feel for you. Before alanon I didn't even consider a HP in my decision making. I feel that is such a main importance now in my life deicisons. It sounds like you are connecting and waiting for a sign. It seems to work differently for all of us. I will say prayers for you my friend. I see you had a lot of good replies and shared experiences. Prayers on the way now. ((((((((swolves)))))))) cdb xoxoxoxoxo
if it were me??? and i wanted him to come home??? there would be SERIUS boundaries set and agreed upon.....what i would tolerate, what i would NOT tolerate, B4 he walked in with his suitcases.....
remember--- what ones PERMITS?? they PROMOTE---- i see BIG time boundaries needed here
as someone else said....the decision is yours and only yours to make...i never give advice...only what "i would do" or my esh, whatever......the bottom line is U...what do U want??? what is best 4 U???? and so on..........good luck, rosie
I dont want to go thru this any longer than necessary....we are supposed to go to court on the divorce in ....?march?.....If we stop the divorce....It will cost $$$$$....I dont have.....if it goes thru thats the end...if it is put on hold...it will loom over us...if we try and fail...it will tear the kids up... they are already dealing with enough shuffling around. I want to be whole as a family...as a couple...and whole alone (I'm getting there with Alanon 
)...but I am scared of the uncertainty, but still hopeful...its in my HP's hands....I will continue to wait for a sign.