Hello group,

My a had a  very busy week last week.  My "a" went down to the DMV to get a print out of what he needed to get his license back.  I offerred to bring him to the DUI school so he could sign up.  That was last Tuesday.  So, he comes out of the questioning booth and gets into the car and says the questionaire brought up some serious issues for him about his drinking.  He said I have a "self-control" problem when it comes to alcohol.  He said he responded positively on the questionaire because he thought that if he answered honestly they wouldn't give him his DL back, but he said "I knew in my heart that I would have answered yes to almost all of the questions."  His father was just diagnosed with diabetes and he knows his father will not give up whisky which means he'll never get the diabetes under control.  He said, I just don't want to end up like my Dad, and soon our kids will start to figure out what's wrong with me, just like I did with my father.  It felt good to hear him say these things.  Sometimes I hear a glimmer of realism and honesty in his words.  Too bad it is short lived...  I did not push him into meetings or anything as I have learned my lesson that pushing him into anything will only bring a negative response.  Later in the week, he said he threw out his marijuana parafinalia, and he has not had a drink in over a week.  He has been a huge grump that is unapproachable on anything.  He goes through depression and then happiness.  He called his old sponser and asked him if he would sponser him temporarily, he agreed.  He went back to his first meeting last night and got his chip. 

Like I said I'm happy for him, but not expecting too much this would be attempt number 4 since I have been with him.  I would love for program to become a part of his life, but the odds are greatly stacked against him.  I do feel compassion for him, because I can see the pain that his previous failures has caused.  He internally feels like a complete failure at his life and the bad choices he makes while drinking just continues to reenforce that belief system.  I can see that he wants desperately to be a regular person with a good job and to feel happy about himself, but feels that there is a black cloud over all that he does.  Life has not been easy for him, and I can see that.  Unfortunately he is all to willing to accept that life is crap and give up on sobriety and the thought of ever having a good paying job.  I know that until HP reaches him on a deeper level and a spiritual awakening happens he will not be able to maintain sobriety.  I just want to hold on to One Day At A Time, and not expect too much.  I don't want to feel the pain of being let down again.  My prayer is that he reaches a level of program where he can actually allow the messages to permiate his mind and his heart, enough that it makes him a little more hungrier for sobriety and peace.  I hope my kids are around to see this side of their Dad.    I myself would love to meet to this person, as I have only known the person who struggles through life feeling tortured and abandoned. 

Thanks for listening,

Twinmom~