The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today my husband (ACOA) and myself (ACOA) are going to get the keys to our new house. I have found myself feeling more nervous than excited and I thought that maybe that was wrong. When you get a new house you are supposed to be so happy that you can't contain yourselves right? Well, I have been mostly terrified because I want some guarantee that everything is going to keep going well between me and my husband. Uh....duh there aren't any guarantees lol. I am not going to let the fear keep me from taking the next step, even if the next step may turn out to be wrong. In my crazy head I am just starting to consider that the next step - the house - might actually be the RIGHT thing to do.
The longer I am here the more confidence I have in the decisions I make. There are times, almost daily, where I still question my motives. I run the THINK acronym through my head. Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, AND Kind. If it passes that test then I feel confident. I am learning how to take a breath and take the time to make a decision and not always do it on the fly!
I know that I don't want to stay stationary and that movement in any direction is uncomfortable. I am so grateful that I have this safe place to come for ESH. I have been reading the message board for a little while this morning and I can feel the love we all have for one another here and it is wonderful!!
Well, I wouldn't worry so much about what I was supposed to feel, just take what I DO feel, and see what it means. I think that in the real world, most big life changing events bring a mix of feelings for most of us - happiness, sure, but also fear, doubt, etc.
The hard part, for me, is knowing how much doubt and fear is just nerves, and how much is a red flag, telling me I am making a mistake. I have spent a lot of my life denyng reality, and am not used to knowing how to trust my emotions. I think your idea of using THINK is a very good one, a good way of making a reality check.
I think its normal for all of us to have fear about making a big decision like buying a house or changing jobs. You sound like you are checking in with yourself internally and doing what works for you to help you feel confident and safe. To me I think that is what its all about. If I feel confident about a decision I need to make, I have probably mulled it over in my mind a few times, planned something out, talked it over with someone I respected and turned to my HP for some inward peace of reassurance. With all this if I am still apprehensive I wait just a little longer until I have that confidence and peace, then I make my move. My "a" says I'm too cautious, but living with someone who is not cautious at all has taught me that I like being cautious. Whatever happens in this adventure may bring you to something else. Take care,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Congradulations on your new house sparklet!!! Keep the focus on you sweetie and take ODAAT!!!
I know when we brought our house I was going through all the crazy thinking you are and I just had to take ODAAT or I would of drove my self insane with all my crazy thinking!!!
Congrats on the house !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so remember those feelings - ugh and the responsibility of the mortgage
But yes, with each passing new day of alanon, you grow in confidence and know that you do the footwork and HP will provide the rest. In the meantime, cherish the good feelings that come with a new home ODAT.
Love Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
A major life change is terrifying. Even if it's for the best. My A was in early to mid stages of alcoholism. I was terrified too. Now I'm here and in a situation that I'm not thrilled about. I can barely afford it. If my taxes go up much w/ the reassement or the septic fails I'm screwed. My one daughter hates the move to his day and it's been 8 years or so.
But there are alot of good things that came out of it too. I live near rural NJ, yet I'm 8 min from a major mall and 2 mil from a grocery store, kinda best of both worlds. I live in a Little League district that even though I was only back into umpiring 3 years, I was able to get a Regional asignment getting me much closer to my goal of a Little League World Series. I've met a bunch of wonderful people. Had I rented, I may be paying the same or more than I'm paying now and would really be screwed w/ no equity.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you really don't know what the future will bring no matter what you do, so feel those feelings, acknowledge those feelings. Do what your gut says is right and enjoy life. Congrats to you and Mr. Sparky. Here's to wishing you both the best.
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
