The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my sis, bro, and i have decided to not speak with our dad b/c of our situation with his drinking (long story-i'll spare you). we were doing well, and thought maybe my dad would wake up and realize he would lose his family if something didn't change.
we all stayed strong as a group. my brother was the weak link, though. he felt bad and didn't want dad to die alone. he didn't want his death known when someone smelled something bad coming from his apartment. so he caved and is back being buddy buddy with our dad (watching football and drinking beer). now my dad thinks nothing is wrong. if what he does is really that bad, no one would have contact with him, right? that is his warped point of view.
so now my sis and i are the b**** and my bro is the golden boy. i know that i can't control what my bro or my dad does. but i feel like our efforts (my sis and i) have been unnoticed. i wish my bro could have stayed strong. i wonder to myself if things would be different. my sis and i are just filled with anger. OUR ANGER=we can't control it, don't want to control it, and can't forget about it! i know this is the wrong attitude to have, but i can't seem to feel any other way.
sometimes I get very angry too. I don't always think it is a bad thing. It might be the wrong attitude, but I think it eventually goes away--especially if I keep venting and going over it, not with the intention of holding on to my anger, but with knowing--yes I can be upset, but I do have to work it out of my system. Sometimes whatever I am angry about or with takes a little more time to get over than others.
There are some people who I get aggravated with just about every time I get around them. I have learned I can't be around them--unfortunately this happens to be my husband's family. I can deal with them in small doses (very small), but I still tend to leave their presence frustrated and many times angry.
Another thing would be to try and stay busy--less time to concentrate on your bro and father.
I am sorry for all of the hard work you and your sister have been doing seems to have gone out the window now. Maybe your dad will see that even though your bro is around you and your sister aren't.
If he still doesn't get it, you still need to do what is best for yourself and your family.
My parents have problems with alcohol and pills. I understand where you're coming from - I've been reading your posts. I just wanted to share some of my own thoughts surrounding what you have been describing. I hope it can help.
One of the results of my having grown up the way I did is I have what people around here call "black and white thinking." I tend to see things in extremes. Something is either great or it sucks. I either love someone or I hate them. I either accept my dad and I am completely buddy buddy with him, or I have to leave him entirely. Until I got to Alanon, I didn't realize there is a whole lot of gray area between those extremes, where i have a lot of choices I can make instead of those extremes.
Have you heard the 3 C's? You didn't cause his drinking, you can't cure his drinking, and you can't control his drinking. What you CAN do is learn how to take care of yourself, regardless of what he chooses to do. That's what I've been working on with regards to my dad. And my mom. And my brother for that matter. The result has been that in two years my mom still takes a lot of pills, my brother still drinks a lot of beer, my dad still drinks occasionally, but I am happy anyway. Meanwhile, we all get along a heck of a lot better. I never saw that coming. But it did, and I am loving it.
Hang in there, flint! Find some meetings and it will get better one day at a time.
