The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Those of you that have kept up with my crazy insane story, and helped me out with your comments. Thank you, I love you all.
Yesterday my husband told me from 1000 miles away he wanted a divorce, yadayadayada, you know the story. I had called my parents because I really have no one else, no other family, only good ole ma and pa, who are not the best for moral or emotional support. I told them what was going on, my mom cried, she didn't understand how he doesn't want to work it out. My dad is fuming pissed and wants to kill him. I don't know what to do, I have to find a career now, having been a stay at home mom working only two nights a week for years, I can't jump right out there and find a good paying job to support myself and 4 kids. I have a lot of decisions to make, should I sell my house, sell the cars, where do I go? He says he'll send money, and has always been an awesome provider, but there is no telling what he'll do now with this "new" person he has become. A cold uncaring selfish person.
Anyway, I only cried twice today!!!! My oldest son (15) invited over a ton of friends, so I cooked for them for the big game (we live in Denver, but are HUGE Steelers fans) So it was a big day for us. I sucked it up and held it together for him, and we had a nice day.
My dad comes over and starts in on me about how my A is a deadbeat, that some day he'll come crawling back blah blah blah, and I should have done this, and should have done that, and why didn't I leave him years ago. And don't sit around and cry and feel sorry for everything, you have to move on now! OK dad! Yeah, don't even give me any time to mourn. I absolutely have to go see an attorney tomorrow to figure out what I should do in my situation, and believe me, if I don't, my dad will flip out!! I'm 33 years old for Christs sake. Just give me a break. My family has fallen apart, and all he can do is critisize.
I haven't talked to my A today. Thank God though, because it's to upsetting to talk to him. At this point, i wish he'd fall off the face of the earth. I do miss him, wish he would get better, come home and we could push forward, but I guess if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. What can I do? I am calm right now, it feels nice, I just wish it would last. I'm sure when I wake up in the morning and it all hits me all over again, I'll freak out again. God help me.
{{{{{{{sdisnie}}}}}}}} Sounds like you are doing pretty well under the circumstances. Your dad probably just wants what is best for you too. Take care of you.
I have one of those Dad's that thinks I never do anything right either. Its no fun.. and hard to remember that you are in fact and adult and no longer a child. I am 32.. my parents drive me as crazy as my A does sometimes. I wish I had some great wisdom for dealing with parents who don't want to accept their children as they are... Just do what YOU need to do... and try not to let him get to you. He doesn't have to live with your decisions.. and he doesn't have to walk in your shoes. I know its not easy when he is putting on the pressure.
Hugs... and just keep reminding yourself that you Dad really does love you a lot. I think its hard for them to sit back and chill when we are hurting.
Hugs to you....
Jessyca
__________________
~Prayer for Today~
Lord make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love: Where there is injury, pardon : Where there is doubt, faith: Where there is depair, hope: Where there is darkness, light: And where there is sadness: joy.
i'm not defending your parents, but mine have acted teh same way, many times.
i have learned over the years that they are just trying to look after me, that they hurt for the kids and I and get angry. They also worry about what the future holds. I think move on with your life, and seek legal help is textbook, parenting your adult child 101. I think your parents probably mean well, and are hurt and afraid for you. With my parents I found that beiong honest with them worked. I let them know what I was and wasn't ready for and also that I loved them for caring.
Love Jeannie
PS. Until you have spoken to an attorney, don't sell your house or cars. No matter what life your husband is choosing, he still has an obligation to you and the children. When you are ready a lawyer or a judge can tell you what you are entitled to and what you should do.
