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I don't know if anyone has an answer to this question, but I thought I would ask anyway, and see if anyone had any thoughts on it. Is there one event, that turns, or can turn a person into an alcoholic? I ask b/c my A always drank, I guess he started in high school. But in college some girl I guess really messed him up, and I know that was the year he got his DUI. So I was just wondering if it was that one event, or if he was on that path all along and would have ended up where he is eventually anyway. I just wondered if anyone else had any thoughts. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks
Studies show most alcoholics are born alcoholics. What causes them to begin is usually some type of hurt or pain they wish to avoid facing. I recently heard an AA speaker say that you can become an alcoholic one of two ways. Either you are born an alcoholic, or you can start drinking enough alcohol to need it at some point. Most alcoholics have a Parent or other relative that are alcoholics. Alcoholism is a disease. As by the definition, a disease must have: causes, symptoms (which are reliable and predictable), course, outcome, and treatment. Alcoholism has all of these, and fits the definition of a disease.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
It's just my opinion but I would say not really, alcoholism is progressive every yr they need more until it is running thier lives. No one is powerfull enough to make any one drink. again just my opinion. Louise
In the case of my A, I believe he has always been an alcoholic. That he was born predisposed to this disease. That fact scares me to death, as we have two sons together but it is what it is. I think that depending on the progession of the disease, sometimes it takes awhile for other to see it for what it is. However, My A drank with alcholic tendencies/thinking from the first time he drank at age ten. He was consumed by thoughts of alcohol even if he wasn't drinking all of the time. There have been events that have pushed the disease quicker along in its progression but it was always there.
I agree, most A's drink with alcoholic thinking right from the start, even if it would not be obvious to an onlooker. I was a heavy drinker when I met my A, and hung around with a crowd of heavy drinkers. His drinking did not stand out in any way. When we were together, we were always drinking. What I didn't realize was that he was also always drinking when we were apart. It was not until years later, when we started to have our children, and I quit for pregnancy, nursing, etc. that I realized that he did not look at drinking the way I did. To me, it was part of socializing, and I also really liked the taste of what I was drinking. I often thought, in my drinking years, that I wished I could drink and not get drunk - getting drunk was the part I DIDN'T like. To him, the getting drunk (maintaining a constant high) was the whole point. He would arrange his day, if possible, so that he was carrying a constant low level buzz all day, from about noon on - a couple of beers with lunch, a quick toke in the back lot at work around three, a beer or two on the way home, then a steady stream of beers until bed. Every day. Not a party thing, nothing to do with social life or other people - just his own private way of getting through life. He was probably forty years old before this started to cause problems, but he had BEEN this way, right from the start - he was just good at functioning when buzzed.
In my opinion only ,,,certain events can start the process, and if they are self medicating to ease the pain of an event, it can certainly lead to addiction, as each time they drink the desire to "feel better" becomes more often, and before they know it they cannot live without the booze, they are addicted.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to do research and find out all you can about this disease called alcoholism. Attend open AA meetings helps, but in the meantime keep going to alanon for "yourself".
I think there can be some benefit for attending open AA meetings because it can reinforce the three C's we talk about so much here.
An Alcholic does not have to have an excuse to drink. I think the issue is when they can't stop even when they want to and can't reach out for help either.
I can have that issue too. I can't stop focusing on the A and work on myself if I am not careful I find myself existing in a sea of resentment that is total toxic waste.
I can also mine my A's history, his mother, his former girlfriend, his bad breaks, his issues, his illness (he has a physical illness). He has many issues. So do I. The issue is that I now take total responsibility for my issues and stop blaming him.
They are such an exercise in attention really they are. They can cause so much dramarama its hard to focus on ourselves. I have my work cut out for me this year. Obsessing about the A for 5 years cut back on the time I could spend on myself. That had its purpose for a while. He was always out of control. I had to step back from a lot of issues with him. It will take me a while to unentwine a lot of the things I have with him. The more separate I am from him the better it is for me. Does that mean I do not care about the A far from it. I have proven over and over I care for him deeply. But his demand that I always be last is too much for me to bear any longer.
Sacrificing myself for him did not help him at all in some ways it enabled him.
I have to set limits, set boundaries and focus on me.
