The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has been doing good, still sober, however I met with someone about a job yesterday, the guy owns his own business, he wants to hire me to straighten his shop out and work sales, he has 6 semi's and does, seed, bark, and compost blowing. My A has been making little comments about maybe I want the job because I am attracted to this guy, or the guy wants to hire me because he wants to sleep with me. I am trying to ignore all this, I know this is his way (without him even knowing it) to discourage me. I won't allow it. The pay will be better and it has benefits. Uh oh, maybe my A is feeling I won't need him anymore. (wow that just popped into my head) So I am going back out to meet with him again this afternoon. My A is already gone to get a haircut and run his own errands.
I hope it all works out for you. You have been looking for a different job for a while now, and maybe this is it.
Who knows why they do what they do. He may be trying to discourage you, he may feel that you won't need him if you are earning more money, or he may be afraid of losing you. Hopefully when he can really discuss what is going on, he will come to you.
Thanks for all your support.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I know that while we depend on my pay and I have to take extra hours and extra trips, my husband can always find an unterior motive why I get the extra hours. The fact that I am so independant always seems a big threat to him.
In fact here lately it seems like he is thrilled when something that I can't fix is broken, he complains about it, but then makes the comment "what would you all do without me?" Then he seems happy to be able to fix it.
He has been having an emotional time lately, and he made that comment to me a few days ago. Istead of taking it with a grain of salt. I replied teasingly "What would you do without me." Instead of teasing me back or making a sarcastic reply as he always would have done. He walked over to me wrapped me in a huge bear hug and said, "Your damn right, and I don't ever want to find out again."
No matter what we alll like to feel needed, and we all like to feel depended on. Try not to read too much into it, he might just be feeling insecure. He knows what you are capable of, maybe he just wants to feel loved and needed.
for normal people it's hard to believe this to be true, because of both being in opposite rhelms of the spectrum....but it is true.
hence the term liquid courage.....we'll talk alot of s#$t but it usually takes a few drinks in us for us to do anything.
until we learn the steps and practice them everyday the above will most likely never change on it's own.
since he is newly sober give it time as long as you see some progress that is good.
remember its progress not perfection for us we will make mistakes like every human being does.
if he is working on the steps and i mean working once he gets past his fourth step (when his sponsor feels hes ready to do) this is where alot of change will occur.
just allow him to take the baby steps needed when first in the program.
but do what you need to do for you dont wait around for any alcoholic.
just do the next right thing for you and just let him work through his own issues with his sponsor.
because thats not your stuff...thats his.
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'...when you see only one set of foot prints, it was then that I carried you....' (Footprints)
My A is definitely not too keen on me being independent. He is gone all the time (supposedly working but never making any money the two dont correlate but they do for him). He makes remarks all the time about me being with co workers and more. I know he is furious that I would even think about other men. At the same time he wants me to cater to his friends who cross all kinds of boundaries. He puts our relationship at risk daily and then complains when I have any one outside the relationship to talk to. He is a very self centered person, they are self centered and not that concerned with people they are involved with.
The A has often made my life very difficult I permitted that. I felt guilty about being apart from him about having my own life when he suffered. I no longer do that. I know he is making a choice not to seek help these days. He could he chooses not to. I no longer even resent him as much because I took back the responsibility for my life from him. I stopped blaming him and started taking actions for me. They may be small but eventually they will build up to something more substantial. I no longer try to control the outcome of his acting out. I just give all that to God. I also try to keep the focus on me and my issues.
