The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone, I am a new member and after 32 yrs of living complete hell in my life, I finally decided I need help for me! I have grown in a home with a mother who was addicted to addictions as I would call it. She was addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, men, gambling, you name it. My 2 brothers and I were of NO interest to her. My father always knew she was with other men, but could not prove it, which made him mad and hit her. There was always yelling and hitting in my home. Strange men coming and going all the time. My mother would steal to buy alcohol and pills. She would have sex for these things too. The strange thing is, I always loved her, I always lied for her and everything she said, I believed to be the truth! My father never showed me love and I could not understand why until I became an adult and realized, my mother told him, I was not his child! Wehn I became a mother I tried to have a better relationship with my mother, but her past just keeps haunting me because she has never stopped doing the things she did back then. She meets men online and at this present time, has one of them living with her and has choosen him over me and her grandchildren. I am so sad. All I ever wanted was to be normal, to have a mother and father to love me, to guide me and help me make the right decisions in my life. I have many bad days but I try to pretend everything is ok. But really, I am dieing inside. Can anyone relate to me? Please help if you can! Thank you
On my way out the door, but something drew me here this morning, I just want to say Welcome! You will find good people here that care with their hearts. Hang in there, be gentle with yourself.
I am so sorry for your pain. My father was an A and he was horrid to my mother and she in turn was horrid to us kids. I am 45 and I still expect my mother to respond to me in a "normal" way. I get burned allot! I used to go and visit her and leave crying everytime. For 2 yrs I did not see her much at all and I am the only child living near her. I have picked men who hurt me my whole adult life. Since finding al-anon I have learned many coping tools. #1 the 3 c's. I did not cause it, I cannot control it and I cannot cure it. #2 detaching from her abusive behavior with love and #3 to stop stressing the things I cannot change. I have found much love and support from the people I have met here online and in face 2 face meetings.
Welcome to the room! Yes, I sure can relate. I too spent many years being affected by this horrid disease that important people in my life became addicted to. Congratulations on reaching out and seeking help for yourself. That is not always an easy thing for us to do as we keep busy trying to "help" those who are ready to accept it. And yes, we do die on the inside. But.. the good news is that here we receive the experience, strength and hope of others who have experienced the same pain and sadness that alcoholism has brought into our lives. We can become whole people, whether the alcoholic continues down their path or gets help for themselves. Nobody here is perfect but we care about one another. Join in the chat room as you can and the online meetings as well. Let me share with you one of our "Just For Today" thoughts.....
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve house that would if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
I too am sorry for your pain. I can not relate to parents who treated me badly. I do relate to desperately wanting something that I can't have. For me it is a best friend who I can talk to about everything, who would share all of my struggles--not have all the answers for me but would support me in everything, someone I did not have to put on my happy face for, someone who really thought/ and felt that I mattered--I assumed all my life that person would be my husband. Well I married an a and that's just not how it is. Sometimes (like 2 nights ago) I get really ticked off about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand why they act or think like they do. I am realitively new to this myself. I've only known my husband for 4 years, I can't imagine how I would have dealt growing up in a home with an a.
I have a thought where your children are concerned, take it or leave it, I do not want to offend. I know that you want a normal life, with normal grandparents and such. I would too!!! Since your own parents can't support you like you would like or need, do you have an older couple you know who could assume the grandparent role for your family? When I was young, we did not live in the same town as my grandparents, eveyone around us seemed to have grandparents around them so my parents found us some "adoptive" grandparents. To this day we still love those people as our own. That may not be something you would like to do, but it is a thought.
Good luck to you! Keep coming back, this is a great support area!!
oops to the name--sorry mama of 4 angels!! I was talking to you, even if I didn't pay close enough attention to the name. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude!
i too had horrible parents....and i too, wanted good parents, i look at my past with great sadness
the GOOD news, is that i can give me back what they did not...by working this program, learning to love and care for me....and attracting HEALTHY relationships......i had **expectations** as any child would....to be loved/protected/ nurtured/cherished......i was attacked/ incested/ beaten/ destroyed!!! so i give me now what those two could not.....i cannot give me my past back, but i can be my own good parent NOW...i can take care of me NOW...i can learn boundaries and not EVER allow that to happen to me again.......i can't do anything about my past......but i AM doing TONS for my present, which hopefully will make my tomorows brighter..........take what u can use, leave the rest, rosie
Welcome!! You are not alone all my family is Alcoholics and my mother died of Alcoholic dieases.... So I can relate to you very well ! Just hang in there and GOOD for YOU to stand up for yourself and say hey I NEED help for ME!! That is the first step in to recovery admitting we need help!!
Take one day at a time sweetheart... We love you!!!
