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Welcome back to MIP. Two drugs I read are for seizures and/or nerve damage and the third to treat opiate addiction? I don't know what else she is on, but I find myself wondering why she'd had more than 1 med for seizures. If she was still on my insurance - which I understand she can be until she is 26? and if I had managed health care I'd be surprised that the insurance company is paying for all this without checking on the reasons for all these meds. If I had managed health care, I'd call whomever is listed as being the nurse or physician reviewer - if any - to ask what they suggest when it comes to limiting the amount of prescription drugs she can obtain through your carrier and what else they might suggest as a help for her?
Since she is in jail, there is nothing you can do for her medically right now, but when she is released, is there a physician in your area that you can take her to that you trust? As a Mom, my child being on all those super drugs at one time would scare me. Coming off them would be an area of concern for me, too, without somebody knowledgeable attending her. The addiction issue would be secondary to me in an issue like this.
I'm sure others will come on board with their E/S/H. As a Mom myself, I'd certainly understand all your concerns for your daughter.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of September 2013 06:17:04 PM
I have been here before, but it has been a long time. I honestly believe that Alanon saved my life and I thought I understood all of the principles... My daughter, who I watched like a hawk through high school for signs of substance abuse, has been in 7 rehabs in the last 18 months. We found out about her addiction and alcoholism when she crashed her jeep into a parked car at 60 mph. After the first rehab I wanted to believe that she was "getting it", but I saw no signs like the ones I saw in other people in the rooms who were getting it. She ended up with probation a year ago and each time she relapsed I paid for another rehab and another sober living - insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Still, my baby, my sweet girl and on it went. After she burned all of her bridges last week and having no where else to go, she asked to come home. We said okay, but you have to report to probation first. She begged, cried, but when we picked her up from Greyhound (no more plush plane seats - I'm a slow learner, but I do learn) we took her to probation where she was promptly arrested and taken to jail. She had more prescription drugs - yes - prescribed to her - than I could get on a bet. These include Suboxone, Clonapin, Neurontin (which can be abused, she's proven it) and many others. She has called 10 to 20 times per day over the last 6 days and after the first 5 days we stopped taking the calls. They gave her bail on a probation violation - unbelievable! Cheap bail, but I am not bailing her out - she is safe for now. Today we visited and got the standard manipulation that she was trying to do the right thing, she just wants to do right, she needs her Suboxone, etc. It is so heartbreaking. She has huge tattoos all over her arms that are truly awful - not mermaids and butterflies, but things that will cause her to never find a job. I am so heartbroken and it kills me when she cries and calls me mommy, but I am so afraid she is going to die. She is just 21 and was a college student just 18 months ago, now she refers to herself as a "dope fiend alcoholic", like it is cool. I explained that I am not trying to punish her, but she has to pay her own consequences and I won't pay for her anymore. Still, I am so sad for her and do not know what to do when she wants to come home and do all of the prescription drugs that are legally prescribed to her, but that keep her high and in her addiction. It is different for me with her than when it was my spouse - this is my child, albeit a legally adult child - although she operates like a 14 year old... Any wisdom, experience and thoughts are appreciated. I can usually compartmentalize these things, but am struggling now to do so and to function. I have tried 3 local alanon groups in Dallas and not one other person has shown up for a meeting. Thank you for reading if you got this far.
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Be as kind as possible for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.
"When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."
Please come tonight Sunday 7 pm EST to the MIP (just click on Chat Room Entrance). We meet every day, twice a day (weekdays 9 am and 9 pm EST if you don't make it tonight). We care, and we have lived what you are living.
Cerika, I am so sorry for your pain. I am still new to this whole process but there are many wise and compassionate people on this board who have lived through situations like yours and managed to emerge whole. She is probably addicted to several substances and will need an aware doctor's help to withdraw. These days too many doctors are handing out prescription pain killers and anti-depressants imho and the younger doctors do not even seem to know that these drugs are addictive even if taken properly. The al-anon meetings helped are wonderful but I also found the online meetings to be helpful. Maybe you could try them. God bless you my dear
It was the right place to come...lots of ESH here. I too have a adult son in full blown addiction. He also takes many meds for seizures, depression and anxiety. These doctors give them thinking...oh they will quit drinking now.
My son has spent 4 months in tent city Arizona ( with sheriff Joe ) during the coldest part of the winter. As he puts it the worse thing that ever happened to him and said he will never return. Clean and sober was his route now. Yeah when I went to visit it was nothing but complaining about not getting his meds and the usual harsh jail life. After he was released he did look good and was back to the son I knew. I was so happy....things were going to change now. I bet you it didn't take but one week and was found in his car drunk sitting on the side of the road. What the shocker was the police took him home and impounded the car. I would think he would have gotten another DUI because the keys were in the ignition. Well mom bailed out the car again.
After many hospital stays...detox many many times....he is still actively drinking.
I had found Al-anon and MIP by surfing the web one evening. Now my life is changing for the better one day at a time. It's work and it hurts sometimes but I much better off than a year ago.
Take care of you and keep coming back because you are not alone here..
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
My dad was recently arrested for his second dui and may be facing jail time. After the first he swore he'd never get caught again. He did. I no longer live with him so don't see all the stuff that goes on, but my sister has decided to stand her ground and have him do things for himself. She gets the same pity party and guilt trips.
This the cunning, powerful and baffling part of addiction. The chemicals actually own them...mind, body, spirit and emotions. Ask the P.O. to request a weekly attendance record from her fro AA and/or NA. Date...Name of Meeting...hours of attendance and signature of the meeting secretary. Daily you can even ask the PO to request a meeting from her program sponsor who has a sponsor and a home group. That's tough love. Ask the P.O. that she have no less than a 2 year probation period with the requirements intact. Hold her feet to the fire. You may also want her doing some voluteer work at a homeless kitchen. Just suggesting cause I've seen it work before and now. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I'm glad you found your way back to us. Sorry to hear about the low attendance at those f2f meetings in Dallas. The online meetings here can really be a lifesaver - yours. I related a lot to your share. I had a very similiar situation with my exah - same and similiar prescription drugs. He was in and out of rehab many times and his biggest enablers were physicians. When I confronted one of them about the situation, I was told "pain is subjective, you can't know the degree of his pain." I can guesstimate that overprescribing to my exah helped to line that doc's pockets very well from pharmaceudical companies back when they were given incentives for promoting one drug over another. But anyway, my ex in his addiction doctor shopped a lot and many were unaware that he was being given something by someone else. I only found out when he was told to give me his belongings to take home when he was admitted to a rehab. I found many doctor business cards. Being pre alanon, I phoned them all, told them what was going on and told them to no longer treat my husband. (you know back when I thought I was in charge instead of hp). I understand your desperation to have your beautiful young daughter back. She's in there for sure. ((((hugs))))) Take a breath, make a few online meetings and please keep posting here when you feel the need or want to. You don't have to compartmentalize and keep moving. No need to stuff feelings or feel alone. You can even find an online sponsor if or when you feel ready and all any of can do is live in the present day and do our best with it. You've gotten some great suggestions from people who are both in Alanon and AA related to your daughter's recovery journey. I wish you continuing recovery on this Alanon journey with all of us. Hugs, TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((hugs)))
My friend, also a mother of an addict, has often cried and asked why she could not just put her son back in her womb. Her son was injured and then medicated and became addicted. She asks why she didn't research the drugs more, or question the doctor more. She beats herself up emotionally for something she has no control over. She knows the steps, she goes to therapy and yet does not love herself enough to forgive herself.
The addict is not your child, same face, same body and possibly somewhere in their hearts and mind they are there. However, for the moment they are controlled by a substance. It is an ugly demon who is willing to say and do anything to get to their next "high".
You are not punishing her for not bailing her out. You are loving yourself enough, as well as her, to have the courage to allow her to face her demons. They are not yours to overcome. You can not do this for her. Stay strong!
Thank you all for your kind words and wisdom. I am going to her hearing tomorrow before I go to work, but I have not relented - and won't - on bailing her out. I am going to try an online meeting this weekend. Much as I wish no one else was experiencing this it is good to know that others have survived it. I thought I would get notification of responses and did not see all of the shared kindness until this evening. I will be checking in daily - and hopefully sharing some kindness instead of wallowing in sadness. You are all wonderful.
Incidentally, good advice on the healthcare - I am a VP of HR and called my benefits person who knows about my daughter (one thing I never let go of from my original Alanon experience is that I should not be ashamed and isolate myself - most people are kind). My Benefits Director had a note added to my profile that my daughter can not get prescriptions filled on my policy without review at the insurance company. She does not have seizures but has convinced her doc's that her chronic pain requires neuron tin. I can't pretend to know what she feels, but chronic pain, my butt...
Hugs to all of you - you are in my prayers too and your kindness is so appreciated.
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Be as kind as possible for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.
"When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."
Glad I could help out with the meds thing. That should help stop some of her ability to be overmedicated without some kind of overview by people who can make decisions that might help to limit the amount of chemicals she can ingest. That alone would scare me. The ingestion of various compounds - some that are supposed to be doing the same thing for the same problem. That must give you a little peace knowing that there is a way to stop some of this prescribed medication.
Good to hear you are not bailing her out. Part of letting her experience some of the consequences of this disease.
And now she is homeless... She had an opportunity to go to work after her two months in jail. We relented and rented her a room in The Woodlands because she said living with us was too difficult because we won't buy her a car (last one was used to drink, drive and hit a parked car at a high speed) And there are no close businesses (I did offer the use of a bike!). Anyhow, we said two months and that was it - long enough to get a job and pay her own rent... Shockingly she did not get a job (whenever she tries to get one she has it in a day) so after the two months ended and staying on "friends" couches ended she is now officially homeless or so she says. Her boyfriend's parents let her stay there until things came up missing. We do send her a box of food to his house every week that she can just add water to for preparation and I still pay her metro pcs phone bill (more for me than her). Not that she answers our calls or calls unless she needs something. We took her iPhone 5 before she went to jail and found disgusting sexting to guys so we realized letting her keep a smart phone was not smart - at least not on my dime. She called last Monday to ask me to replenish her pcs phone which I did. She then told me she hadn't eaten for a week because food was at boyfriend's house and he needs gas money to bring it to her. I offered to have one of my friends from Houston alanon to her, but she said they kind of creep her out (they creep her out?). When I refused to send cash she told me she was showering in a public sink and sleeping on a toilet. Still refused but when my so arrived home and tried to call her she didn't answer.. I was really crying for the first time in a long time and my partner asked me, "if you were homeless and sleeping on a toilet wouldn't you answer your phone if it rang?" That helped me a lot. Haven't heard back from her for 6 days now, but partner says she is punishing us. We've done 5 rehabs and 6 sober livings in just over 2 years so we told her that the only option we would help with is getting her to a two year sober recovery home that has no cost, but you have to commit to two years and work while there. She refuses to make a two year commitment - I guess because of all of the great things she could do in two years (as evidenced by the last two). I'm actually okay as I've learned to compartmentalize at work and have turned her over to my hp since I have not been successful in helping her. I struggle not to think of her as she was as a child with those chubby little hands and plump thighs... She is an adult at least legally. I pray for her a lot. My favorite alanon expression ever is that God doesn't have any grandchildren. Anyhow, prayers for my girl and for all of the people struggling with this disease - including the loved ones of those who abuse substances. It's a cunning disease.
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Be as kind as possible for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.
"When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."
So many hugs to you cerika. Your daughter seems to have a lot of stamina, or the drugs are giving her stamina. You have so much mama love, choosing the hard road of not enabling. Mothers go though so much pain from the very first minute of their kids' life, I was born a man because I couldn't endure that much pain. Prayers going out to you and your daughter.
Thank you, Kenny. I'm hoping the stamina ends before her life does. I can't understand how a kid who was probably (absolutely) overindulged can deal with jail, homelessness, etc. and still not cry uncle... The drugs must affect them differently because I can't imagine anything making me feel good enough that those things seem okay.
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Be as kind as possible for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.
"When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."
